post by, VanCityLifeCoach.com

As a Relationship and Life Coach, I find guiding others incredibly fulfilling. Supporting my clients is not just my profession; it’s woven into my identity. As this passion becomes more evident, I’ve noticed an increasing number of people in my personal network seeking my advice, often without intending to.

Switching off from “Coaching Mode” can be challenging. I often feel like a child eager to share newfound insights with everyone around me. This eagerness makes it difficult to leave “The Coach” behind when connecting with friends and family.

Consider the times friends and family have sought your advice. How often have you felt the need to bend the truth or withhold your honest opinion to spare their feelings?

The Struggle of Honesty

Before embarking on my coaching journey, I found it easy to say and do what I thought was right to protect those I care about from hurt. However, my experiences have taught me that the “right” response isn’t always the most appropriate one. This fine line has become more pronounced as I navigate relationships within my personal network.

As a coach, I’m hired to provide honest, professional opinions. My role demands complete transparency, as I aim for real results. As a neutral party, my primary concern is my client’s well-being. Yet, in my personal life, where emotional ties run deep, maintaining that neutrality is challenging. When asked for advice, I often find myself grappling with two dilemmas:

1. Should I compromise my professional integrity to keep those close to me happy?
2. Or should I offer my honest insights, risking conflict within my personal relationships?

The answer often hinges on how I’m perceived by those around me. For instance, my parents still see me as their youngest child, their “baby.” Thankfully, my clients don’t view me this way; otherwise, I’d struggle as a coach. This dynamic has made me aware of two prominent biases that can arise when advising friends and family—biases we must recognize when giving or seeking advice.

Bias #1: Personal Gain

Many of us may not readily admit it, but we often risk advising friends and family based on our own interests. To avoid the perception of bias, we may unintentionally provide slanted advice.

When we are personally involved, it’s tough to maintain objectivity. For example, consider how your life would change if someone close to you altered certain behaviors. While these changes might benefit you, they could lead to negative consequences for them.

Being mindful of personal gain is essential when giving or receiving advice. Several underlying biases can lead to misguided counsel, including personal insecurity, the strength of the relationship, trust, and the presence of multiple connections within the same network.

Bias #2: Nondisclosure

Full disclosure is crucial in any advice-giving scenario. Advisors must have a comprehensive understanding of the issue at hand, and those seeking advice must be open and honest. Without transparency, true understanding is compromised.

If you feel hesitant to share your thoughts, you risk introducing bias into the conversation. For instance, consider seeking relationship advice from your parents but omitting intimate details because discussing them feels awkward. Many of the biases related to personal gain also apply in these situations.

The Role of Meditation

To navigate these biases, meditation can be an invaluable tool. Practicing mindfulness helps cultivate emotional detachment, allowing for greater clarity and compassion when giving or receiving advice. Through meditation, you can learn to observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment, creating a space for honest conversations free from personal agendas. This practice nurtures authenticity, enabling you to engage with others more openly.

Conclusion

To minimize bias when exchanging advice with friends and family, both parties must learn to emotionally detach, fostering mutual understanding. However, it’s important to remember that this detachment can jeopardize personal connections; once certain truths are shared, they cannot be taken back, and trust must be maintained.

In summary, establish genuine trust before seeking or giving advice, and remain aware of these prominent biases. Incorporating practices like meditation into your routine can further enhance your ability to navigate complex dynamics, leading to healthier relationships and more effective communication.