Privilege.


Work hard.

Just remember, when you reach a certain level of success you become a threat to those who never took you seriously before.

Probably because of the colour of your skin, or your gender, or perhaps a disability or orientation. Whatever is used to make you feel marginalized and dehumanized, keep working hard.

Because when you arrive at the member’s lounge and they still won’t let you in through the front door, you’ll need the strength of your integrity to kick in through the back. And when you step up to the platform make them aware that you have arrived, that you belong, and that you’re inviting all your friends.

So work hard.

I Try To Walk Away But I Stumble

*Guest Post*

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Sometimes, through no fault of our own, we all end up in situations that aren’t good for us. We’re in unhealthy relationships, living with our parents again or stuck in dead-end jobs that, even though we want to, we just can’t seem to find the motivation to leave.

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Stop And Think

When the going gets tough, the tough tend to go on autopilot to cope with whatever issue is causing them grief. We shove it, like an old sweater, to the back of our minds and carry on with our day without actually unpacking our feelings. If you’re waking up each morning feeling sick, unmotivated and depressed then there’s definitely something wrong but what can you do about it? If you’re not sure where all the sadness is coming from the best option is to get creative. Take a ten-minute break, turn your phone on silent and get down to the business of figuring out the problem. You may find it weird, or silly to write about your feelings at first but you’ll soon find yourself scribbling manically as you try to find the source of your unhappiness.

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Go Deeper

Imagine you’re describing your current situation to an alien that knows nothing about human beings and so for him not to attack Earth you have to share everything you can about what’s making you miserable. Try to avoid vague, sweeping statements and make it as detailed as possible, so you’ll be able to see exactly what’s going on. Make sure you’ve included what you would do if someone else were in that situation, what your usual response would be and who you can turn to for help right now. Examine how you got to this point and try to understand the decisions that you made to find the one that’ll extract you from whatever mess you’re in.

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Play Pretend

It’s now time to have a little game of make-believe, yes it sounds a bit weird but don’t worry we promise it’ll help you come to a firm resolution. Allow yourself to take a few deep breaths, close your eyes and think about what your dream solution would be. If you’re stressing out over your career maybe it’s being offered a brand new job, or a fantastic promotion in your current company. Having marital issues? Instead of worrying about Divorce Mediation and how much everything’s going to cost think about what it would be like to be in a happy, loving relationship again.

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Don’t Look Back In Anger

We’re not saying things are instantly going to get better but remember mighty oaks grow from small acorns! Do one thing that’ll instantly make you feel better about your situation in the next five minutes. Followed by three more little things that would help move you closer to that dream goal. Don’t get bogged down with what ifs just focus on those three little things and spend time achieving them. Then rinse and repeat steps two and three, make bigger decisions and before you know it, you’ll have left the bad situation far behind and be on the way to living a happier, healthier and  more fulfilling life.

Introducing Integration

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Click here for the full post:

“In my work, I define the service of integration as helping people integrate an awareness of two or more ‘systems’, for lack of a better term, into one. These systems can be likened to an individual connecting with different truths; ideas; beliefs; ideologies that cause an unsettling. Being aware of each system causes the individual to question one, or the other, or all systems, in order to seek a truer understanding of themselves and/or the world around them.

I like to refer to integration as finding a healthy balance, or middle, by merging very distinct life experiences into a mindful one. After all, it’s our experiences and beliefs that shape and navigate our identities, and we shouldn’t dismiss parts of who we are just because it doesn’t fit with a certain life model. Perhaps, you could consider my integration service as helping you develop your very own life model to live by. A safe process that allows you to accept and explore each system openly, to understand and utilize them, and encourages you to be your best self, and to live your best life.

Our minds are designed to think openly and without restriction, and when we shape our lives to the minds design, we realize our human potential.”

 

Trying to Understand Depression

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“Our life experiences should invigorate our identities. We should be constantly learning new things and expanding our zones of comfort to learn more about ourselves, and what we were put on this planet to do. This is how we strengthen our minds against negativity. Most of us know when we’re in a situation or environment that isn’t right for us and restrict us from developing who we are. When we go against the feedback from our minds and physically remain in restrictive situations or environments, we stunt our human experience.”

Read the full post here

The Personal Development Cycle

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Learn all about The Personal Development Cycle, on my new blog here: vancitylifecoach.com/blog

“If 2016 has taught us anything, it’s that we can no longer sit and wait for positive change to come knocking on our doors, we actually have to invest the effort and energy to drive our lives forward, in the direction we want them to go. Fortunately, we can kick start positive change by investing time in personal development, and it doesn’t have to be a daunting task either, for personal development works as a cycle that functions in both directions, and we can start wherever we feel most comfortable”

The Pursuit Of True Love: How To Increase Your Chances Of Finding The One

*Guest Post*

It’s Christmas time, and many of us are looking forward to spending time with loved ones. For some, this means enjoying quality time with a partner. For others, it may involve visiting friends and family. Some people love being single, but others hanker after finding true love. If you are on your own, the festive period can be a stark reminder of just how single you are. If you’re desperate to be in a relationship, don’t worry. Just because you’re not with somebody now doesn’t mean that you’ll never find your perfect match. Here are some tips to help you increase your chances of finding the one.

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Give yourself a chance

Are you working all the time or do you spend every available minute with friends or family? Sometimes, love doesn’t come to you. You have to go out there and give yourself a chance of finding it. If you’re not meeting new people, there’s a very low chance that you’re going to stumble across the man or woman of your dreams. Try and be sociable, and cast your net wider. You can learn something from every person you meet. If you don’t have time to date a lot, try taking up a new hobby. Go to evening classes and learn a language, join an art class or play team sports. Internet dating is very popular, but be careful. There’s a perception that many people are looking for something casual, rather than trying to locate their soul mate. If you are talking to somebody, take things steady. Get to know each other before you meet.

It’s also really important to learn and appreciate your value and worth. It sounds cliche, but if you don’t love and respect yourself, you’ll find it tougher to find somebody that does. It’s very easy to zone in on your flaws. We live in a critical society where we’re under scrutiny all the time. Try and concentrate solely on the good points. Everyone has imperfections. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t.

Adopt a positive mindset

If you’ve been knocked back several times, it’s easy to go to dates with a negative mindset. Why should this one be ay different? Is there any point in putting yourself out there only to be rejected again? The truth is that if you have negative thoughts, this will affect your mood, and possibly the outcome of the date. Think positively. Why can’t this be the day that changes your life forever? What’s to say that this person isn’t completely different to all the others? The beauty of human relationships is that every single one is different. What works for one person won’t for another. If you’re focused and you’re persistent, you can attract what you want in life. A positive mindset is much more appealing to other people, and it will help you to feel more confident.

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If you’re single, you may think that finding the one is impossible, but don’t give up. Give yourself chances to meet new people, and appreciate what you can offer other people. Learn to deal with knocks, and try and stay positive. Don’t put pressure on yourself. You may find that you stumble across love when you least expect it.

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Why Do People Breakup?

why do people break up?Relationships are the assembly of individual identities. They’re about support, equality, balance and most importantly, acceptance. – vancitylifecoach.com/about. Preserving these types of values keep relationships alive, and help us rise above a lot of relationship challenges. However, if these core values are neglected, communication starts to breakdown, intimacy begins to dwindle and we’ll no longer feel understood by each other. Which then establishes the foundation for every disagreement and difficulty that soon proceed. Indeed, it’s drifting away from core relationship values which carry us into ‘breakup’ territory.

We’re all conscious beings full of complicated emotions, and we’re driven by what we desire from life. When two of us decide to align our lives together, we do so because we’re enthralled by each other’s identities. As we explore each other’s physical and metaphysical worlds, an intimate bond develops, and makes it easy for our emotions to intensify, and for our personal desires to get blurred. In these moments, we become very present and nothing else matters but the here and now. We want nothing but to hold onto these feelings for a lifetime; we want nothing to change because of how we feel within ourselves.

We all want to be completely understood and want to be accepted and embraced for who we are, and it’s never more realized than in newer relationships. When we meet people who make us feel this way, it’s easy to develop an attachment towards them. It’s about how we feel. We long for these traits because they help us believe in ourselves and help affirm our identities, and this is how we need to feel in order to fulfil our own desires. Being truly understood, accepted and embraced, these are the innate, underlying intentions we all share when pursuing a relationship, because they allow us to love ourselves. If we’re not feeling any these fundamental emotions within, love, generally, cannot grow and the relationship will struggle to fulfil its purpose. Instead, we can find ourselves holding onto an attachment that lacks substance, and that’s when the doubts and uncertainties start to arise.

We tend to forget, or pay very little attention to, our own contributions during the growth stages in relationships. In the beginning, everything is new and exciting, the future is brighter, we’re feeling good and if, by, some sort of sorcery, we manage to become just as valuable to our partners as they are to us, but it’s easy to lose sight of that for a number of reasons…

We become so mesmerized by the other person in the beginning, that we’re not mindful of the conscious exchange that’s at play. If the balance of the exchange is not maintained, and the scales tip in favour towards one person or the other – i.e. we receive more love, appreciation, understanding and acceptance e.t.c., than we give, or, give more than we receive, or, don’t give each other any at all – a pressure or burden begins to amount and that’s when we start drifting apart.

…for one, we live in a world abundant with messages that reinforce a certain ideology of love, and we get so caught up in these ideas and ideals, that our natural intentions get skewed. It’s a wicked conditioning that uses our motivations against us. We’re bombarded with associations of what love and belonging looks like, sounds like, tastes like and what it’s like to touch and smell love. These imitations reinforce a belief that love is limited to our 5 physical senses and as a result, we start moulding ourselves to appeal to these senses. It’s a reason why ‘profile dating’ even exists, and why it’s difficult to develop the courage to strike up a conversation and get to know somebody. It’s a reason why inequality is still a struggle today, because we’ve been taught to believe that love is not blind, that love is biased and that true, genuine and honest emotion can quite possibly be bought.

Political, social and economic conspiracies aside, we shouldn’t be entering relationships being understood, accepted and embraced, for qualities that do not represent who we are. Qualities that do not represent the conscious being within (our trues heart’s desire). Otherwise, we’ll find it difficult to sustain any emotional connection with anyone, because the core relationship values would’ve been built upon a fallacy. I think all of us can agree that no matter how hard we try, the truth of what we’re feeling will always find a way to surface. The weight of that truth will continue to get heavier and more unavoidable over time, and places a strain on our relationships.

If truth cannot reside within a relationship, how much longer an individual go on feeling misunderstood? How much longer can two people live with misaligned desires? How much longer can an individual live complacently?

However, there are still many of us who have managed to escape the influences of the world and have established and maintained very honest relationships. Breakups that do occur in these sort of bonds are the result of mutual understanding. If we’re constantly being honest about how we feel, and we completely unveil our truths as soon as they surface, then issues are given the opportunity to be resolved. We can avoid a lot of prolonged upset and heartache, if we preserve an environment where we can open up and communicate. After all, a lot of arguments and frustrations are the manifestations of unresolved problems.

In summary, relationships should empower us to explore life fully, so that we can each discover and/or fulfill our individual purpose. When we form a relationship, we enter a mutual agreement based on this very philosophy. We don’t enter them to feel restricted or suppressed, nor do we want that for our partners.  Therefore, if any of us are ever feeling this way in our relationships, we have duty to ourselves and to each other to open up about how we feel, and work towards a resolution so that we can each continue to progress our lives forward.

Vancouver Life Coach