Today we all seem to be leading more demanding lives, so when it comes to dating, most of us are either too tired, disheartened by the experience or just generally lacking the energy to give a shit.
I’ve recently delved back into dating again and I feel like I’m learning everything anew. Maybe it’s just me, but I can’t help but feel weighted down by the experience of it all, so I started adding the following terms to any new relationships I find myself entering and I’m having more fun dating again.
1. The Relationship Kitty.
I work hard for my money and the last thing I need to ruin my perception of someone, is to feel like I’m paying for everything, so my first suggestion is to start a dating kitty.
You and your mate agree to put in a certain amount each month to fund dates, adventures and trips and such.
It may seem a bit formal, but as the cost of living rises and more people are having to resort to more drastic cost-cutting measures to make ends meet, this mindful dating hack may just be the thing to keep the relationship afloat for longer. Balanced budgets can keep things simple, stable and equal.
2. The Rolling-Commitment.
My sexuality is fluid and with all these dating apps making it easier for me to hook-up and meet new people as and when I practically need, it’s hard to want to commit long-term to anyone; FOMO sets in and next thing you know I’m thinking about ways to sabotage the connection.
My rolling commitment is about 100 days if I find myself into someone, so every 100 days or so, I suggest that we talk about the value of the relationship and if its worth moving forward. I’d probably go so far as to say schedule it so you both know a ‘talk’ is coming. Though, if you’re certain it’s not going to to work out sooner, take action and be mindful not to lead each other on.
The rolling commitment is totally subjective, so assess how long you’re comfortable committing to someone new for the first-time. If it goes well, increase the commitment and who knows, maybe it’ll work it’s way up to a lifetime?
3. Brutal Honesty
It’s pointless saying what you think you should say, just say what you need to say. The longer things prolong, the sooner the commitment will start to feel like a drag. Be honest with each other all the way. – I coach enough couples to know how a buried truth can turn someone into a very mean person. See point #5 to help you communicate mindfully.
4. Learn to Accept Yourself First
This one’s just common sense, how are you going to accept someone else, or have them accept you, when you can’t love yourself first? I mean there are people out there who are willing to help you do just that, but, can you promise to be around for them when you start realizing your self-worth?
5. Think Before You Speak
It’s important not to react in a relationship, it’s important to self-assess first and communicate with clarity. Say nothing until you know exactly what it is you’re trying to say and don’t pressure someone to speak if they’re not ready.
I’ll leave you with those 5 for now, remember be safe and smart when dating. There are a lot of troubled people looking to for companionship, so think about what you’re able to give before saying “yes” to any commitment.
Remember, always make your decisions by assessing your heath first, that’s both physical and mental health. #lifecoachterry