Breaking Bad… Habits.

Did you know that changing behavior can be as easy as managing convenience?

The simplest way to change negative behaviors is by making them more inconvenient. For example, if you’re struggling to break the social media binge, make it more difficult to access your social media accounts. Delete the apps and make logging in more inconvenient by not storing your passwords.

On the other hand, make engage positive behaviors more convenient. For example, do you want to read more? Leave a book in your bathroom, and when you need to go, leave the phone behind so that when you’re busy doing your business, you have nothing else to do but read to occupy your time. Even if it’s a page or a paragraph, you’ll already be reading more!

These are just simple examples, but they’re a great way to engage productivity and take responsibility for your life.  I offer few more tips in the video above, but if you put your mind to it, I’m sure you can uncover ways to develop from the habits keeping you from accessing your potential.




How Trauma Effects your Identity – My Perspective

TraumaI remember in psychology learning about trauma and its effect on behaviour and it was always that word I held onto – behaviour.

I remember thinking how certain people around me showed signs of past trauma affecting their behaviour, such as: their lack of self-worth, their struggle to control emotion and their inability to connect with their true identity.

I also remember how people were discussed, as if the trauma was attached to their identity, even my psychology teachers blurred that line between identity and behaviour. Misleading the class to think trauma affects who you are rather than how you behave.

I remember someone in particular, someone in my past that taught me so much more about trauma than any psychology class ever did.

Like many, this person turned to drugs for release, I remember meeting this person at their worst and getting a glimpse of who they are at their best. Probably the most difficult friend I’ve ever had. Not difficult in the sense of dealing with their addiction; it was just difficult trying to meet the person hidden behind the drugs and trauma.

This person really helped me understand inner conflict and the negative impact it has on one’s life. Escape, even though just for a moment was the only peace this person could experience. To escape from trauma and becoming numb to their identity.

I learned a lot about how trauma works through my interactions with this person.

Please note, anything I mention in this post is my own perspective.

I started seeing trauma differently after this person opened up to me about their experiences.

Traditionally I feel people still think that trauma shapes a person’s identity, as if the trauma is well and truly embedded into who they are. However, I couldn’t help hold onto the word ‘behaviour’, and through my interactions with this person, the distinction between behaviour and identity became much clearer.

This person was often led to believe that change and breaking through trauma was near impossible, because they too were understanding that it was their identity the trauma had affected; believing something was wrong with them and not understanding that the person they actually are is just hidden.

This person believed that they are who they are and that’s it. I felt their Shrink decided to focus more on the trauma itself rather than spending equal amounts of time nurturing and speaking to the true identity hidden beneath it.

The more I interacted with this person, I began to understand that trauma is like a dark cloud over their identity, the drugs acted like an umbrella protecting them from the downpour of emotion.

When I saw this person engage in their passions and tap into their talent (which is how we crossed paths), and work towards things that made them feel alive, I saw no sign that this person was suffering from trauma. I saw this person for who they actually are without the negative effects of their past.

It was after meeting this person I discovered that very wide line between identity and behaviour. I understood that trauma does not reflect someone’s identity. Unfortunately my friend was led to believe that the trauma they had faced was a part of who they were and that there is no escaping it. Yes it will be forever a part of their life but by no means should anyone be led to believe it’s a part of who they are.

One day I hope to obtain the necessary skills and funds to investigate this further, get the education and conduct professional research of my own. For now, I hope my message will help others dealing with trauma, or have people in their lives suffering from it, understand that underneath the trauma is an individual trying to clear away the clouds and roam free to pursue life as the person they truly are.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

3 Ways In Which Bad Habits Affect Your Goals

ImageWe all have bad habits, whether it’s something small like biting our nails to something more detrimental such as procrastination. However large or small, each bad habit we possess tend to negatively affect our goals. I’ve outlined the three “I’s” of how such behaviour can interfere with success.

1. The Image: Have you considered how it looks to your supporters? Be concerned with the image you put across. For example: if I’m supposed to inspire confidence in others, I need to be and appear confident myself. So if I’m biting my nails or wearing a shirt that isn’t pressed then I have to consider how being poorly presented is affecting my personal brand image? The more noticeable the habit, the larger the affect it has on your goals. Be wary of the connotations that come with bad behaviour.

2. The Impact: Bad habits come in all sorts of shapes and sizes; some more subtle than others however each negative habit has some sort of impact. Procrastination and complacency for example, will only push your goals further away. Ask any successful person you may know and they’ll tell you that, consistent, positive activity is the only way to get you where you want to be. Always consider the impact  your habits have on your goals.

3. The Involvement: The mind is powerful and sometimes we aren’t even aware of our bad habits because we involve ourselves in the act so often. I always recommend writing down your bad habits and underneath each one write down why they are so bad. You should train your mind to overcome these habits in order for you to focus on more positive activity. Involve yourself in good habits that keep you productive towards your goals.

Removing bad habits is like fumigating your persona. Sometimes you may not catch them all but keep at it and you’ll clear away those pesky habits that get in between you and your goals.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Achieve Your Goals by Staying Persistently Positive


Unbelievable, not even 10 weeks into the New Year and my universe has served up a huge dose of concentrated triumphs. The recipe for 2013 has been trialed and tested, and folks: staying persistently positive is proving to be a key ingredient. Great family news, astonishing professional accomplishments and a measure of personal growth! This trending behavior over the last couple of months has left a lingering aroma of a lot more success and accomplishments to look forward to and work on.

Just like your own goals in life, they’re only attainable if you’re persistently pursuing them. So attach a positive outlook onto the life of which you pursue. You’re setting your goals in motion every day by seizing opportunities; doing research and moving forward toward the result rather than waiting for it to come to you, now imagine the power of an objective when your whole being is constantly oozing optimism. Furthermore, no one really needs to be told to think positive, we know this already; it’s practically common sense but were being told this because we’re not being persistent with it. We need to be on top of this way of thinking and train ourselves to bring it out when we need it most. It’s like being told to eat when you’re hungry, it’s obvious, but if we eat regularly and by knowing when to eat, the feeling of hunger becomes far and fewer.

What I’m trying to say is, don’t wait for the accomplishments of a goal to deploy positive behavior, and don’t expect by merely thinking positive, that your goals will come to you. They need to work consistently together like a well oiled all wheel drive to thrust you into success.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach