How to Measure Happiness

post by, VanCityLifeCoach.com

happy

Happiness isn’t exactly the easiest emotion to grasp; I used to believe that people were either happy or not, I used to think that happiness was as clear as night and day. However, I’m learning that happiness is a development just like every other emotion that we experience, we have to contribute to our own happiness and it lies within the choices we make.

I’ve found those that contribute more to their own well-being and work on developing a purpose, tend to be happier than those who work to accumulate things to define their value. When we start to free ourselves from conformity, we begin working with our own emotions rather than against them and as a result, we live life more truthfully and with less compromises.

When I gave up trying to conform and began following my own desires, I also realised that it was easier to communicate and understand others. I also began connecting with like-minded people who actually appreciated my identity and my own pursuits, and vice-versa. I had inadvertently created a positive environment for myself that stimulated the courage and confidence to pursue a life worth living.

When I think about the happiest moments in my life, I’m reminded of liberation and feelings of complete detachment, I feel like I can take on the world and there’s not much that can keep me from blissfully embracing the present moment. Contemplating these memories and feeling untethered to my everyday responsibilities, I began exploring ways to measure happiness in a world where responsibilities command our lives, impact our emotions and often cause us to overlook our own well-being.

Psychology and Spirituality teach us the importance of maintaining balance… Even the cosmos need to maintain a certain balance to ensure we continue to exist on this planet. Most of the problems we face in our lives can be a rooted back to some sort of imbalance: when we’re overworked, overindulged, lacking empathy, emotionally numb/sensitive, over thinking and even struggling to sleep, these problems and many others stem from an imbalance within our own psyches.

Measuring happiness is to assess our lives in terms of imbalance, to assess how much of our lives are being spent satisfying our responsibilities (super-ego) versus, how much of our lives are spent indulging our inner desires (id). Too much of one or the other will lead to and fuel misery, therefore sustaining happiness is to ensure both parts of our psyches are equally valued (ego), if not, then we must work to restore balance in order to feel happy.

Delving into this Freudian theory has made me realize why so many of us struggle with the lives we’re living, and why many often feel overworked and underappreciated. In a society where we schedule our lives around work and responsibilities, I started measuring happiness by asking my clients the following question?

“If you could make a decision for yourself, consequence free, what decision would you make?”

If answered honestly, I found this question allows us to gain insight into our own imbalances. It allows us to essentially measure and restore happiness by understanding how much of our inner desires are being fulfilled, or rather how much we restrict this significant part of who we are. It also helps us understand the difference between setting goals and mindful goal setting. If our inner desires aren’t expressed nor fulfilled, the less happier we’re likely to be.

For example, if you have a deep desire to travel someday, but your current responsibilities restrict this desire, then you’ll probably find that you’re not that happy with your current life, because your life lacks direction and purpose and a significant part of who you are is being suppressed. However, if you allow this desire to filter into your life, you’ll begin to navigate your life to fulfill this desire. Your responsibilities will have purpose as you’ll set your goals accordingly. Furthermore, you’ll also find that you’ll gravitate towards connections that echo these desires, from obtaining the appropriate skills to meeting like-minded people. You’ll ultimately live a lot happier knowing that your life isn’t being lived in vain, and that you’re staying true to your identity and what you want from life.

Just imagine living life with a little angel (super-ego) and devil (id) on your shoulders, if you predominantly listen to the angel you’ll run the risk of losing sight-of-self. If you let the little devil have rule over your life, then you run the risk of losing touch with the life you’re trying to build.

Measuring happiness is understanding which one of these characters you’ve allowed to govern the majority of your decision-making. Let them both share equal amounts of control and you’ll live a much more balanced life, and a much happier one.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

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Reform Your Relationship with Opportunity

post by, VanCityLifeCoach.com

Overcoming problems

Happy New Year, folks! 2016 is officially here and before you run out and sign up for those gym memberships, before you start your detox and worry about the debt you’ve accumulated over the holidays, let’s talk about you for a moment.

The world is moving toward a new paradigm and the traditional way of living and earning seems to be changing. You may have noticed how little control you have over your own life, as you cling to the conventional methods of living. Perhaps the 9-5 model simply isn’t getting you where you want to be in life.

You may also find yourself molding and adapting to incompatible identities just to avoid being alone, while life seems to just pass by without purpose. The routine is getting old; Perhaps you find yourself lacking energy and living for those rare moments of happiness and joy as you exist within the bounds of procrastination and complacency.

Though this isn’t the case for everyone, maybe you’ve noticed such tendencies in family or friends, or feel that the instances above resonate within your own life. 

There’s a new energy that arrives each time you ring in a new year and it encourages you to seek opportunity. We make resolutions and promises within our lives just as easily as we upgrade our already perfectly functioning cell phones, only to realize that the fulfillment gained from these impulsive decisions was merely temporary.

To kick-start your life and navigate it into lasting fulfillment, you must first deal with the biggest problems that rule your life. You need to resolve the very problems that germinate the recurring, negative thoughts weighing heavy on your mind. It’s time to lift up that proverbial rug and clean out the problems brushed under it. If you’re seeking purpose and value this year, then you must work on developing the courage to attain them; unresolved problems break down the courage you need to develop. Your problems restrict the energy required to propel your life towards a reason of being.

Your immediate goals this year should be focused on overcoming the troubles you’re facing in life. This year, if you’re feeling numb and lacking satisfaction, you may want to reflect on your behavior in previous years, because clearly something isn’t working if you’re feeling deflated and unmotivated.

The longer you hold onto or avoid a difficult situation, the easier it becomes to talk yourself out of an opportunity; your problems will keep you from moving forward. Liken it to being in school, where each problem you solve in a subject- take math for instance- leads to a feeling of genuine confidence and encouragement, inspiring you to move ahead.

The opportunities you seek in life are available to you. Granted, some of us have to work harder than others to secure them, and I agree that the world isn’t exactly perfect and equal. However, working on and overcoming your troubles will make room for the encouragement and determination you need to succeed. The self-esteem you need to build and the tenacity you require can only develop when they have room to grow. Hold onto or avoid your problems for another year, and you’re only contributing to a life you simply aren’t happy with.

So if you’re stuck in a relationship that brings you more misery than joy, repair it or end it. If you’re in a job you hate, don’t work towards the promotion, work your way out of the job. If you’re feeling lost and alone, then work on developing the courage to admit it and seek support, rather than suppressing your feelings in an attempt to appear fine. If you’re dealing with an insecurity, or insecurities that lead into negative behavior, then work to uncover the root cause of it, in order to stop them from ruling your life any longer.

Want 2016 and the rest of your life to mean something, then reform your relationship with opportunity. Make room in your life to seek and secure opportunities confidently by dealing with your immediate problems first. Deal with the troubles that restrict your identity and limit your potential, and fix the problems that keep you from moving closer towards your aspirations.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Returning Home with a Clear Sight and a New Equilibrium

Fast Train

 

Having forced negativity out of my life, dealing with life has gotten a lot easier. Ever since I’ve realized my own mission and my goals towards that mission, the vision for where my life is headed has become much clearer.

I feel like I’ve recently entered a new equilibrium, a sense of calm and stability I wasn’t aware of until I returned to the UK, back to the root of my uncertainties.

I look around now with a fresh set of eyes and I finally see the motivational triggers that were once hidden.

Before it was always about the escape: to get away from problems, the hide away from doubters and avoid expectation. Now, with my mind clear and my focus on point and a belief in myself, I’m no longer concerned with anything or anyone that doesn’t matter.

Truth is, if you want to be on the fast train towards your dream, then there’s no room to stop off for anything that will jeopardize your journey.

It only takes one negative thought to spiral into a world of self-doubt; it was this reason I always avoided returning home, to the very place I grew up.

Today I return with my own identity, a clear understanding of who I am and what I want from life. I feel I have full control of where my life is headed and there’s no stopping me.

I know there’s things I have to face when I return home, unfortunate circumstances, struggles and challenges but with these new eyes, I’ll be able to see the positive side to everything.

I can confidently say I will succeed at all the things I choose to accomplish. The lessons I carried with me, the same lessons I share throughout this blog, have broken me free from a cocoon and able to return and look back at it self-actualized.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

6 Rules You Can Follow, That Will Help You Believe In Yourself

Self Belief

One of the biggest hurdles to pursuing your passions is believing in yourself. Here’s some rules of mine to help you overcome that.

Rule#1  – Start your own path

For the longest time I put off pursing my passions to follow a path that others dominated. I saw other people take certain steps towards their aspirations and rather than developing the mind-set of starting my own journey, it seemed to make more sense to follow/mimic somebody else’s.

I was wrong. I needed to stick by my own passions if I truly wanted my own success. I didn’t want to follow the path of the family man, or the big shot corporate guy, nor the broke artistic guy nor did I want to fit into any stereotype. I didn’t want to be so easily defined so I took a vow to set out my own rules with my own identity and let that guide my success.

Rule#2 – Drop everyone’s expectations

Shed the expectations people have of you. Shed the burden of living up to someone else’s design of your life. I place emphasis on, more than anything, the importance of living life your own way. Here’s why: if you live life by living up to someone else’s expectations then you relinquish control to someone who can never understand what you truly want, because nobody can.

Be sure to expect the best for yourself and determine what would make you happy and take charge of your own life. Yeah sure by all means accept help and guidance when you need it, but know when you need it and when you don’t. You want to believe in yourself? Get to know yourself.

Rule#3 – Learn how to handle challenges

Challenges vary, but consider all things that you find difficult, all things that make you feel inadequate and all the negative impacts from life as your challenges to overcome, not burdens to live with. You need a positive way to work through them, faced with a tough task? Perhaps break it down into small easier tasks. Finding it difficult to handle negative comments? Then use that negative energy and drive it in your passions; there is nothing wrong with wanting to prove people wrong, so long it’s with your actions.

How you handle each and every challenge life throws at you will determine your ability to actually succeed. Trust me on this one, challenges are like tests, how you handle them determine whether you pass or fail.

Rule#4 – Overcome your problems – learn to fight

People always have two options when dealing with issues and problems. It’s the classic fight or flight, you face them and deal with them head on, or you avoid them and run away from them. If you choose the latter you will never feel like you believe in yourself, because each and every problem needs a solution. Fix them, you may not even want to, but you have to, failure to do so will only further prove you can’t handle what it is you want from life.

Rule#5 – Consistent activity – engage in your passions

There is something you want and you probably believe you won’t get it. Put that belief aside for now and just carry on. If you want to pursue something and you believe it won’t happen, just continue to engage in your passion regularly. The more knowledge you gain and the more you throw yourself into the world of your passions, that glimmer of hope you hold onto, will get brighter.

You will slowly tip the balance from self-doubt to self belief. You’ll notice that your haters will not be able to challenge you as much and that your disbelievers can’t deny you anymore because each time you engage, your closing that gap between yourself and your dream.

Remember –  LEARN, IMPACT, FULFILL and ENGAGE (L.I.F.E).

Rule#6 – Find supporters and surf the wave of encouragement…

…even if it’s your Nan, or your dentist or some random stranger in a coffee shop that struck up a conversation because of mutual interest- there are plenty of opportunities to find encouragement. When you do come across it, accept it, don’t deny it..it is totally OK to let others believe in you if you might not do so right now. Don’t disprove them.

The energy you receive is based on the energy you put out there, so if your focused on your passion and its evident, people will eventually notice and start believing in you, even if you might not right now. Follow this rule and watch your confidence grow and you will begin to believe in yourself the sooner you accept that others do.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coachhttp://www.vancitylifecoach.com/

The Feel Good Factor – “Don’t Worry. Be Happy!”

:-)

🙂

A question always presented by my parents, no matter what crazy idea I supported, whatever journey I embarked on or whatever risks I’ve taken; “are you happy?”

It’s a simple question, but it’s the simplicity of it that I relate to. That one question inadvertently forces me to face any of my life’s decisions and yes it includes relationships.

Life isn’t supposed to be complicated, so long as you’re living by this one principle. Don’t get me wrong, it can get hard as hell making life work your way, but it’s knowing that you’re invested in the things that will make you happy, is what makes life worthwhile.

When you really think about it, what is the essence of your goals and dreams?

This feel good factor has nothing to do with indulging your inner desires. It’s having the focus, determination and courage to be who you are and to live your life how you intend to. If you can achieve this way of living then happiness is what you’ll generate.

Life is what you make of it and I want you to make it happy one. Go out there and show the world what your made of, wear a smile on your face and prove that life is worth living.

I just had a random flashback of my mum’s morning alarm song; to quote the lyrics of Bobby McFerrin  (a.k.a. Mums wake up song) -“Don’t worry, Be Happy!” 🙂

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Achieve your Goals by Fixing Problems you Hold Onto

problems

Many of us have those problems that we hold onto and they hold us back for one reason or the other. Your problem could be your job, it could be your partner or problems at work and home. For some reason we can’t seem to get past them and without realizing it; we’re being held back from the things we want to accomplish.

Most of the time, I’ve realized that old doubts and future uncertainties make dealing with current problems more difficult. We’re blurred by our previous mistakes and let-downs and/or often concerned for our futures security.

We can also spend so much time and effort trying to fix or work on something that we really do not want, just so we can satisfy our fears. Not realizing that this is the actual problem that needs to be fixed. Just choosing to ignore it isn’t going to help us achieve goals.

Alternatively, we try to hold on to something that was once great, with the hope that it will be again and admitting this can be extremely difficult. The thought alone can be very stressful, but waking up and dealing with problems is crucial to our success.

I’ve heard the term ‘identifying problems’ throughout my career, professionally and personally and never really understood what I needed to identify because when problems arise, they’re often staring at me point-blank. I found that in most cases I just feared facing them.

Fears derived from past experiences and/or future uncertainties make it difficult to process problems. Like leaving a crap job we’re comfortable with, living in a demotivating environment we’re used to and being in a lifeless relationship because we hadn’t developed our identities.

When facing problems, assess your life, like a doctor assesses an x-ray, evaluate it. Is anything there you’re uncertain about? Is a problem going to affect your future, if so, by how much? And what was the root of it? Then consider the options towards a solution.

Accepting the solution: Sometimes we find it hard to accept the steps we have to take, to put things right in order to re-align our lives with the goals we set. It may take drastic measures or it might take simple adjustments, but we may have to accept change to enable or continue success.

Only until we admit and face the problem, can we begin to accept a solution. When you think about it, do you want to spend your energy working on something that you necessarily do not want and run the risk of becoming complacent?  Or do you want to spend that time and energy on getting what you really want out of life?

Sometimes dealing with a problem is like ripping off a band-aid, exposing the wound for it to heal in order for you to carry on with the life you want to live.

Our problems are like crumbs that fall onto us after taking a big bite out of life, sometimes we need to brush them off before taking another bite.

To whatever extent your problems are, spend time fixing them rather than living with them.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach