Why are you afraid?

Imitation = Fear

Imitation is an expression of fear, because we imitate to blend in, to be accepted by society, and for others to notice that we fit in and that we belong. We imitate because we’re afraid of being rejected should we ever reveal our truest selves.

Many of us, predominately in the West I feel, are searching for that sense of belonging from a very early age. Think about how a toddler behaves, they walk around confidently, wearing the rawest version of themselves. Forever curious, they’re always in search of answers. Although it may not last too long, toddlers are also very compassionate, incredibly loving and confidently expressive.

I think as conscious awareness develops, there comes a time when we become curious about ourselves and our place in this world, and I think it’s at this crucial point when fear of expression starts to develop. It’s like we spend most of our lives slowly breaking free from a cocoon and once free, we’re very quickly misguided.

As we develop some independence we turn to the world around us for guidance on this human experience. However, the world is still very much an unequal place and as we receive its messages, predominantly through mass media, the majority of us feel underrepresented. When we do not see ourselves being represented, we quickly learn to feel that this is a world in which we do not belong, so what do we do? We imitate.

We buy into popular trends, we follow false idols, and we mimic those who are presented as most-self-actualized. We often do this so blindly that it becomes normal, until the distance between who we really are and who we’ve presented ourselves to be is so wide, that we become afraid to face the truth, and/or unsure of it.

It develops an anxiety of sorts, an uncertainty about the future and thus the quest for happiness continues to be a trivial pursuit. We feed fear each time we deny ourselves the opportunity to be liberated.

What are you afraid of?

I suppose we can measure fear by how much of our lives we spend imitating others. The world accepting us for how well we imitate it, is not the world accepting us. We’re merely helping the powers at be, reinforce their egos. If we want to be represented then we must show the world who it is that needs representation. However, chances are we’re all one of a kind and when we accept this we probably won’t care for representation, because instead we’ll be seeking only inspiration.

Remember the key to fulfillment, in any aspect of life, is a strong and affirmed identity.

Be you. Be inspired. Be Inspiring.

Read the full post here.

Trying to Understand Depression

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“Our life experiences should invigorate our identities. We should be constantly learning new things and expanding our zones of comfort to learn more about ourselves, and what we were put on this planet to do. This is how we strengthen our minds against negativity. Most of us know when we’re in a situation or environment that isn’t right for us and restrict us from developing who we are. When we go against the feedback from our minds and physically remain in restrictive situations or environments, we stunt our human experience.”

Read the full post here

How to Master Your Own Mind: 5 Ways to Maintain Control

post by, VanCityLifeCoach.com

Mind

Over the last few weeks I took a break from writing and I spent time with family whom had visited me from England. I wanted to be present during each moment as they were only here for a short while. I didn’t want to escape a moment to experience gratitude. Life is about balance and prior to them arriving, I had spent most of my time working towards my own passions and building my career; I had severely separated from a crucial part of my identity and neglected the very support that kept me grounded. My family visiting me was an opportunity to reconnect.

The last time I had spent this much time away from my writing, was when I suffered a severe case of doubt and fed the belief that I wasn’t really good enough. The difference this time, I was in full control of my own mind, I mindfully stepped away from work because I knew what I needed to. When you become so passionate about something and push through the negative infiltrations, fear transitions from not feeling good enough, to the fear of losing what you’ve built. Spending the last few years developing my own mindset and pulling myself out of unprogressive thoughts, has taught me that I can’t live life motivated by fear. I can harness it to trigger motivation, but I cannot allow my life to be driven by it. Today I proclaim to live life awake, aware and in abundance; I’m learning to master my own mind.

#1.  Objectify your Thoughts

A habit I’ve been getting into, is evaluating and reflecting negative and destructive thought. Whenever my thoughts turn sour, whether it’s about myself or negatively towards others, I dance around it with thoughts of understanding. I’m not simply replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, as far as I’m concerned, there’s a long line separating the two. What I choose to educate myself with to interpret thought, is what keeps my mind balanced and still.

When a thought enters my mind that causes me personal conflict, I acknowledge it. I make myself fully aware that I’m experiencing some sort of disconnect with my own identity and it’s time to evaluate and reflect. I personally externalize the thought, put it on a piece of paper and begin to understand how I came to such a negative assumption. When you decode these thoughts, you begin to weaken their impact, almost like repeating a word over and over again, until it no longer sounds like a word.

We often give certain thoughts more power than others, usually the negative ones get the most attention; like how a baby gains more attention by kicking and screaming. By making yourself aware of thoughts, you begin to question them, you’ll circle around different thoughts with questions; theories and ideas, until you stumble on the truth. And you’ll know when you’ve reached this “aha” moment, because you’ll feel very much empowered.

#2. Conceptualize Perception

Nothing feels more real than entering a flow state. When working on something you’re passionate about, the world around you seems to flutter away as you engage your inner genius, as your heart, mind and body is working in full synchronicity. If you regularly engage a flow state, you’ll become increasingly aware of how blurry perception can be. This is my 123rd blog post, I’m 7 chapters into writing my first book and I have invested countless hours a day talking about what I’m passionate about. Each time I come out of a state of flow, the world around me seems that much more distorted.

I’ve learnt to conceptualize perception, for one, I don’t waste time on what people think. It’s impossible for me to know what thoughts are motivating other people’s perception of the world, without spending time to get to know and understand them first. When you’re negatively impacted by others, you’re often focused on one recurring, internal thought. You’re boomeranging your own thoughts as you convince yourself that everyone shares it.

Don’t be naïve, focus more on doing the things that engage your passions and fill your life with bliss. If at every moment you’re engaging in an activity or thought that doesn’t fulfill you, you blur your perception of reality even more. Life becomes complicated and you’ll find yourself scrambling to understand why you don’t fit in.

#3. Experience Detachment

For the longest time I’ve been trying to understand the term detachment, that I failed to practise it. It’s not letting anything have rule over your life that’ll steer you away from truth. In my opinion, detachment is more of an experience rather than a practise, it allows you to experience liberation like never before. Imagine; complete and utter freedom and no rule from thought, desire, emotion, people and even your own possessions.

I always say detachment feels the same as taking your clothes off in public, you have nothing left to hide as you strip away everything you’ve ever held onto, that kept you from exposing the most vulnerable part of who you are; your truest form. Detachment finally allows you to exist, uninterrupted nor influenced. Detachment guides you to peace of mind.

To start experiencing this today, begin to understand your relationship with everything you give meaning to, starting with your material possessions is the easiest way to begin. Evaluate your desire for these things, ask yourself why? Question the very purpose of how things define your life, not your lifestyle. The more rule you have over your life, the more rule you have over your mind. The more you latch onto things, people, desires, and thoughts and so on, you weaken your mind because you deter from what’s truly meaningful.

#4. Awaken your Imagination

Ever had a crazy thought, idea or put together an insane, out of this world theory and shrugged it off as silliness because you’d think people would think you’re insane, paranoid or just stupid? Yeah me too, but there is so much fun to be had if you just let your imagination roar. Regularly exercise your mind by freeing it from the shackles of reality, I always note down my “insanity” and store it in a folder called “Chaos”.

Your imagination is vital to unlocking your potential, eventually one of your ideas, or crumbs from several ideas will guide you to self-actualization. If you let your mind regularly do its thing, you’ll eventually stumble across something you’ll feel confident expressing.

Why compartmentalize your imagination to fit in with the current trends and ideologies when, the advances we have in the world today came from the individuals often once thought to be insane. The world isn’t flat, the earth revolves around the sun and society is finally coming to terms with the fact that, we may not be the only ones living in this universe.

Imagination leads to discovery.

#5 Open your Mind

Last but not least, be curious, because when your mind opens up, you give fear the opportunity to escape. Connect with engaging stimulus; read more books, listen to more people and accept more fact. Try new things daily and test old practises rigorously. If you want to advance your mind, you need to stimulate it with something new. Expand zones of comfort and never be afraid to understand something by asking questions.

I grew up around warped cultural traditions that caused prejudice and inequality, the moment I moved away from it, was the day I began to discover my identity and my place in the world. And never hold anyone else back either, especially if you haven’t gained the experience or exposure to conceive any genuine opinion. This is your life remember, it’s up to you to discover what it’ll be about.

VanCity

How Music Can Help Awaken Your Passion

I watched this documentary [Alive Inside] and it reminded me of a message I drafted a few weeks ago. It inspired me to post it today.

To feel and experience raw passion, to discover and then nurture it, you must first tune into emotion.

Emotions pretty much control your being, they dictate your life and how you live it. Your emotions, if you can face them, could be the very key you’re looking for to unlock your potential. Great people are emotionally invested, driven by their own desires to make an impact on the world; they’re passionate.

Music helps.

Music has a funny way of guiding you into a flow state. It activates a spirit which allows your imagination to fly free. When you play your favourite track and you’re transported to a moment, whether that moment existed or not, that moment allows you to feel.

When you feel, your heart syncs with your mind and they both work in unison to guide you closer to where you want to be in life. The aspirations you hold onto are activated and you’ll feel like every nerve ending in your body, has connected you to your destiny.

A fantasy overwhelms your reality and all you want to do is engage; this is your opportunity to be creative, innovative and inspired…and whatever else you need to feel to encourage work towards your goals.

When your emotions awake, you also shed many layers of thought that may have kept you from attaining a certain individual quality with your work.

A focus on emotion can stimulate a rare vision that normally you wouldn’t have been able to access. I think back to some of my best accomplishments, most, if not all of them we’re emotionally driven. Some moments gave me the courage to act on impulse, and others allowed me to truly understand what I really wanted for my life, allowing me to drop expectation and live life on my own terms.

This includes negative emotions too, for instance, hurt can motivate you to break negative behavioral patterns and encourage change in your life. Suffering can inspire you to change the world and anger can be channeled into productivity.

So next time you’re looking to stimulate your passions, try putting on some of your favorite music, allow yourself to be transported to a moment and let the emotions you feel ignite a flow state.

For more information on the ‘Music and Memory’ organization and ways to donate, please visit: http://musicandmemory.org/. Check out the trailer for ‘Alive Inside’ here.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Stay awake with me.

Staying awake

The beauty of life, is that we have the opportunity to live it. So long as we maintain awareness within present moments, life can be experienced fully.

We can spend hours delving into non-existent pockets of time that satisfy our fears and suppress our truest desires. But if we do allow our minds to wander throughout time, we run the risk of losing touch with ourselves and end up losing touch with present moments we want to live.

I’d notice that my thoughts would often turn negative and I would feel as if my life would lose its value, whenever I allowed my present to be affected by the insecurities of my past and/or any uncertainties of my future. And in these moments, I’d be overcome by an overwhelming desire to escape my present completely, resulting in avoidance and halting any progression towards the life I wanted to be living.

I feel now, with my priorities in complete order and my consciousness focused on being very present and aware, I’ve been able to maintain more control over my own mindset. Every time I feel my mind wanders off in time, I wake up and snap back into productivity. I do what I have to do to satisfy the actual moment, instead of feeding any negative perception.

If for whatever reason I’m not happy or am feeling as if life is running away from me, I take it as a sign that I need to wake up. I’ve become increasingly mindful of how I had let non-existent moments in time affect my present life:

  • The lack of comradery in my past would cause me to hold onto unhealthy friendships in my present. By allowing my mind to drift off into the past, I continued to fail in my present. I’ve learnt that there is no moving forward if I’m consistently looking back, I cannot allow my past experiences cause me to drift into assumptions and notions that rationalize negative behavior today. I have to honor the present and take charge of the very moment I’m living.
  • On the other hand, the future has had its funny way of messing with my present too. I was recently offered an opportunity that connected really well to my goals, I hesitated before accepting this opportunity because I let my mind wander into the uncertainty of the future, and I was about to let a significant opportunity slip away from me because of a presumption that things wouldn’t work out. To me that sounds just as ridiculous as living in the past, I desire a bright future yet here I am questioning the very opportunities that may give it to me. Although I have a clear vision of how I want my future to turn out, I cannot, and must not, allow this future affect my self awareness. My present choices determine the outcome of my future, so it makes sense not to dwell too much on thinking forward, but rather spend present efforts moving forward.

To maintain control over my mindset, I ask myself if this is what I truly want; “Am I completely fulfilled in this moment?” Or “Am I letting the burden of time affect me from experiencing and accepting this moment fully?”

Failing to “Stay awake” caused me to drift away into moments of negativity, resulting in self-doubt and complacency. It’s important to rigorously maintain self-awareness o understand that the past is no longer in existence,  and the future can only be determined if the present is truly nurtured. Practicing this has now made my life much simpler, and I spend less time thinking and more time doing.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

10 Ways to Feel Better About Yourself and Into a Positive Mind-Set

Brush it off

Whenever you’re having a bad day or just need to clear your thoughts, try adopting some of the following principles to uplift your spirit, so that you can continue to deal with whatever life decides to throw your way.

#1 Liberation

Be honest and confess your heart out. We all have secrets that weigh us down, things that we continue to push back into the deep, dark corners of our minds. These repressions only add insult to an already difficult time in life, free yourself from the burden of locking up this stress and liberate yourself today. There’s an emotional freedom and strength you develop when you unlock both your heart and your mind.

#2 Withdrawal

There are certain things in life that occur outside the bounds of your control. You can either let this negative impact consume your spirit or, do what I prefer to do: plaster on a smile and say (aloud) “Fu*k it!” It’s my way of remaining in the present, not fearing what the past has to torment me, nor what the future has waiting for me (#fuckcancer).

#3 Bliss

Take a drive, book a weekend away, go out…do something for yourself that allows you to comfortably express yourself. Always take time for moments of bliss, to feel comfortable in your own skin; free to just be yourself. Personally, I book a trip away every quarter just to break away from the insanity that we refer to as the “real” world.

#4 Serenity

Go on a communications hiatus. Turn off the phone, close the laptop and pick up a book or engage in an activity that gives you time to relax and recover. Take time out to listen to your thoughts and be at peace with time. You can become so reliant on staying connected, that you can end up losing touch with yourself.

#5 Gratitude

Remind yourself of everything in your life that you’re thankful for and show appreciation towards it/them. Whether you’re grateful for the roof over your head or the people in your life, spend time protecting and showing appreciation to your most cherished assets. Oh, and don’t forget about your health; look after your mind and body.

#6 Community

Nothing eases the pressures of life than supporting others that could benefit from your help. Humbling, freeing and incredibly rewarding, helping others can really snap you out of negative thought processes. It can remind you that you’re worth something to someone, even if you believe the world and everyone in it is against you.

#7 Amnesty

Forgive. Forget. Move on. Let go of grudges; let go of the energy it takes to hate someone. Holding onto hate will only prevent you from moving forward. Understand that time gives you the opportunity to heal, but you must let go if you want to facilitate this process. Trust me, I held on to hate as if it were the life that ran through my veins, and it led my identity astray.

Also, fess up and seek redemption if you need to. We’re all human, we’re all learning, we’re all connected and we feel the same emotions. Make your mistakes but own up to them, if you let them fester and do nothing, they’ll develop into regrets you’ll later live with.

#8 Confidence

Say yes more! Just do it, if you’re hesitant then that’s your indication that there’s a part of you that wants to experience and explore your curiosity – this is life! However, if you’re completely certain and very confident that you don’t want to do something, then don’t do it, listen to your intuition and your gut instincts.

#9 Passion

Indulge in your hobbies and unleash your inner expert. Do things that make you feel proud of yourself; do things that make you feel accomplished. Explore those things that interest you, especially if others do not understand why. Your hobbies and your passions make you unique and they’ll keep your identity intact. Never lose sight of who you are.

#10 Mindfulness

Often associated to meditation, but I’ve learned that mindfulness is just about being completely present without judgment. I liken it to the freedom you experience behind closed doors. Tap into your creative spirit, express yourself and feel good! Get yourself into a flow state and reclaim your life; sing, dance, paint, write…you have endless ways to be mindful in your very own, individual way.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach