Relationship Advice

Don’t lose sight of self.

Don’t lose sight of her/him.

If you get lost, work to navigate yourself back to the moment and realisation, to which you felt safe enough and secure enough, to be vulnerable and open with the person you gave your all to.

The world is full of many people who don’t understand you, who simply won’t get your identity and everything you’re about. Are you ready and willing to let go of that one person, a person among billions, who actually saw you and accepts you for who you are?

On the other hand. Relationships, don’t jump in so naively.

Just because the media, society and every other member of influence tells you you’re supposed to, remember:

Only Like If You Have Truly Been Seen,

Only Explore If You Are Madly Interested,

And Only Love When You Are Deeply Accepted.

Otherwise there just isn’t any reason to Do.

Cheesy-90’s-love-song reference aside, learn to be yourself and completely open and honest about who you are and let others learn what you’re about. Otherwise, you’re simply leading your relationships into misery. Give yourself the opportunity to find love blissfully, completely and honestly. Anything less or alike is a mere an imitation or illusion.

Love, genuine love for even merely a moment, is worth much more than a lifetime of hypotheticals and regret. Take it from someone who has lived and lost this infatuation and works with the people entangled by this phenomena for a living:

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

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Sex and Its Impact On Success

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I grew up in a culture surrounded by sexual repression. A subject too taboo to discuss openly in an environment where dating wasn’t even a topic of consideration.  Which I found bizarre considering my ancestors nurtured a land of spiritual liberation and sexual expression and exploration, India.

Sex is an act we should discuss more openly and practice more freely, because confidence in the bedroom can help strengthen our vulnerabilities and affirm our identities.  It can help us reach an esteemed level of self-assurance, and can uplift our intimate relationships to a level of complete acceptance and assurance. And if we’re feeling secure and confident within ourselves, we’re more likely to succeed in many other aspects of our lives.

To maintain happy and healthy lives, we must always monitor and maintain balance. If you’re an individual that strives for meaningful sexual experiences, sex or rather bad sex, can be an indication of imbalance. Basically if you’re not enjoying your sexual experiences and you’re left feeling unfulfilled, it could be a sign that there’s a problem in some other area of your life.

It is often said that our minds are the most powerful sexual organs we possess, therefore to understand sex and its impact on success, we must first connect to the moments that lead us to meaningful sexual experiences. Therefore we cannot talk about sex without establishing the roles of attraction and love first:

  1. Attraction = the recognition of a compatible energy, as your identity seeks Balance.

Shed the shallow ideologies presented in the media, and you’ll find that attraction is a very personal pursuit. What we find attractive is as individual as our own identities. Who we find attractive isn’t just based on just looks, everyone knows that personality plays a large role.

The more open and honest you are about what you find attractive, the securer you’ll feel approaching who you find attractive, ultimately feeling secure within your own self. You’ll significantly improve your chances of finding a sexual partner that you’re compatible with, increasing your chances of finding someone that will help you strive for and maintain balance within your life. You’ll learn very quickly, that knowing what you want will help you achieve exactly the success you desire, much faster.

  1. Love = the recognition of acceptance, as two compatible identities become Balanced.

As you become accustomed to knowing what you’re attracted to, you significantly increase your chances of finding love. Love is to be completely accepting and to feel accepted. Two identities forming a connection unbound by convention, but bound by acceptance. Love will significantly improve your self-assurance, because being loved is knowing that who you are is valuable. That small four lettered emotion positively impacts your identity and your personal pursuits, because you’ve found your ultimate supporter and your biggest fan. That encouragement will guide you to success, by navigating you through the challenges that will most likely arise.

  1. Sex = the recognition of truth, as two identities performing the Balancing Act.

Good sex, the best sex, is when both/all parties involved can be completely vulnerable, open and honest with each other. Attraction can take you so far but sex will uncover a lot of truths. I think back to random one-night encounters, often they lack fulfillment, because it’s difficult to be completely vulnerable, honest and open with someone you’ve just met. Also the initial attraction may have been a deception, because the sex never measured up against the identity you perceived.

Sex uncovers a lot of truths about an individual, and when both parties do measure up to that initial attraction, sex becomes this awe-inspiring, self-assuring experience you expect it to be, and you begin to trust your own judgment and instinct. You begin to unleash your inner genius and tap into your potential, the very fibers of fulfilling success.

Encourage yourself to become more open and confident around the topic of sex, sexuality and what you find sexy, and begin your journey into liberation. The impact of living a liberated life, will feed the energy of unlimited success.

VanCity

Relationships: The Importance of Unveiling Your Past

Separated Yin Yang

Your life up until this point; the identity you live with today, is a collection of your experiences, everything you have learned and traits that you may have inherited. Part of being in a relationship is sharing your life with another, therefore it’s important to share your past with your partner.

For one, knowing that you’ve truly bared all is extremely liberating. Knowing that you have nothing to hide makes for an uncomplicated relationship that’s not only built on trust, but built on honesty too.

These two values are crucial, if you desire the components that make up a powerful partnership that carries on throughout the rest of your life.

Furthermore, knowing that there’s nothing left to uncover, allows you to be easily understood.

When I coach couples, I ask very tough questions in order to expose an honesty that someone perhaps lives with, but has not yet shared. I ask difficult questions because it indicates how well a couple communicate and how well people actually understand each other.

When you share your past with your significant other, you’re sharing information that is essential towards keeping your relationship alive. First of all, your partner won’t be spending their lifetime trying to figure you out, that alone can cause complications and insecurities.

Your past reveals your motivations and it reveals your emotional triggers, so just think about how this information can elevate bliss and happiness within your relationship. Teach your partner about the person you are, educate them on your past so that together you can have a mindful future.

The beautiful thing about letting your past out, is that you let it go. If there is a part of you that you haven’t shared with your significant other, then already you’ve begun to diminish core values. And if there are problems at the very core, the effect is felt at the surface (i.e. you’ll find yourself disagreeing and placing significance over smaller, less important issues, more frequently).

Revealing your past also allows you to remain present.

People always argue that if you reveal too much you leave nothing left to uncover, that there’s an excitement to the mystery. I agree, and that’s great at the very beginning of a relationship…a lot of the excitement when starting something new, comes from discovering new things. However, as you begin to understand each other and connect, excitement generates from exploring life as you move your relationship forward. From the mystery of exploring each other’s potential and embarking on parallel journeys towards self-actualization.

You may fear judgment and loss as a result of the information you share, but the whole point of sharing your life with someone, is that you have someone that accepts your identity completely and vice versa.

Society put’s on a lot of pressure and expects you to live up to certain ideologies: to get married at a certain age, start a family, fill a home with memories and beautiful things that elevate their image of perfection and bliss. This motivation is corrosive to your identity and this pressure may force you down avenues you’re not ready for.

A relationship is about the elevation of spirit; to experience nirvana and to engage you in fulfilling your purpose. You won’t get that until you give yourself completely. All the other things that you progress into (i.e. the home, the family etc.) merely become extensions of a growing relationship, not the definition of one.

Lastly and most importantly, sharing your past allows you to communicate confidently. It lessens the impact of misinterpretation and allows you to remain honest and maintain trust.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Why Guilt Can Advocate Positive Change

guilt

They say love can make you do crazy things and if you’ve ever experienced it you’d probably agree. The emotion is so powerful that it has an overwhelming impact on your identity. When I think about it, I could probably push myself to do a lot of senseless things for the people I love. When an overwhelming power like that takes over you, you realize the force and the significance of emotion.

Guilt is an emotion that, if given enough attention, can harness the power of your true identity and direct you towards positive change.

When guilt arises, it’s very easy at first to deny it. It’s easy to just push it aside into the darkest quarters of your mind as you indulge in one distraction after another. It’s not easy to forget a powerful emotion like that and by battling against it you deceive yourself, causing you to embrace and justify inner torment.

A weight difficult to shed, it can really keep you down from progressing in any positive direction in life. What you may not realize, guilt can be the biggest reveal of your identity and you can use this emotion to navigate yourself towards becoming the best that you can be. Although you may not want to admit it, but honesty is the policy you need to adopt here. Be honest about how you feel, be honest about why you’re guilty and be honest about wanting to overcome this guilt.

Guilt is one of those powerful emotions that allow you to reveal your identity or cause you to lock it away. When you  experience true and life altering emotion, you’re required to take responsibility for yourself.

Just as you have to reveal your aspirations to the world in order to achieve them, you must allow your guilt to rise in order to harness its power towards positive change. It’s also crucial to admit that you want to stop feeling guilty. It can feel ironic, but it if you apply positive thought, you present yourself an opportunity to develop positive change.

Processing your guilt causes you to evaluate and reflect, it causes you to face awareness and challenge the identity you’ve been living with. Powerful emotions like love and guilt have such an effect because they expose your truth. They reveal the most vulnerable parts of your identity and it’s within this vulnerability you’re able to connect to your true self.

When you choose to turn away from powerful emotions, you choose to deny who you really are and what you truly want. You begin to destruct your own identity, probably beyond recognition as you stray further away from fulfillment.

Remember, we are all flawed beings and perfection is an illusion that halts evolution. Hiding or turning away from your emotions because of mistakes and misdirection will only restrict your ability to find peace of mind. Keep you from making the changes you need and want to make in your life.

Every single one of us has the ability to be great, after all we feel the same emotions. What separates those who achieve genuine greatness and those who do not, is how emotions are harnessed.

Guilt allows you the opportunity to learn about yourself, it reminds you of your humanity and your desire to connect with others. Guilt is a chance to discover reason and purpose. Guilt is an opportunity to better your life so that when you do, you can make healthy amends.

Give yourself this opportunity to make positive changes and return to the world proving that you have learned, experienced and are repentant. It was Ghandi that said “If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him.”

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

The Importance of Finding Love, In Life.

Post by VanCityLifeCoach.com

LifeHad a conversation about love the other day. It got emotional for some, and I found myself connecting with the word in a different manner than usual.

The notion that science finds difficult to explain becomes a hot topic in relationships. How it’s an inexplicable feeling that many strive to find and experience. However the more I understood, falling in love was hardly limited to just relationships.

As the conversation unraveled, people spoke about love in many different ways. I discovered that love applies to many different facets of life.

I concluded, that love was a word used to describe a genuine connection to another energy. Be it a person or people, destiny and passions, past, present and even future. It’s that definite recognition of life and how we’re supposed to live it.

A Narcissistic Paradigm

As we all spoke about love, it was always about how it “made me feel” or how “I felt” being “in love.” Powerful, accepted, right, natural, excited, obsessed, nervous, anxious, fearful, happy, blissful, safe….the words people used went on and on.

Although linked to another energy, the conversation about love was always about how we felt about ourselves. I too was trending this same connotation; the recurring theme around love seemed to promote the elevation of self. I expect this is why love is so incredibly personal.

I sort of stepped out of the conversation for a moment and in my silence, I began thinking about love in everything else outside of relationships.

My mind hung on the words people used to define love, they were exactly how I felt about my passions and how I felt about where my life was headed. Every time I think about the path I’m on, I feel elevated. The same way I feel about those I love, is just the same as when I relive some of my most cherished memories. From travelling through to random life events that left an impression on my life, and even how I feel when working on my passions today. Love was and is clearly present.

I guess love is the realisation of fulfillment. The only way we’re going to discover it, is to get in touch with our emotions and evaluate how we feel. I suppose the only way to find love in anything we do is to truly focus on oneself; by being honest, open-minded and aware. Only when we understand ourselves can we begin to understand others and identify the life we should embark on.

The Application of Love to Life.

Love is dynamic and I left that night thinking how we shouldn’t just apply it to only a few features of life. We should strive to find love in all and everything that we do.

After all if love feels so good, then why limit ourselves to finding love in just relationships? We should aim to fall in love with all parts our lives and not quit the search until we find it universally.

I love what I do with my work; my blog and my book and all the other things I’m finding fulfillment in. I love helping and inspiring others, it’s probably why I invest so much time nurturing and protecting my work.

People go their entire lives focusing on finding love. However, they embark on a cryptic journey to find another person. Love comes in abundance, in many different forms, ready to be discovered everywhere, in all that we do. So why not apply the search for this powerful sensation onto everything we do?

We shouldn’t neglect other parts of our lives solely because society limits the concept of love to a Hollywood story. Let’s not let our lives be wasted on simply existing, let’s give our all to everything. Yes, find love in our relationships, but find it in our passions and find it in ourselves too.

Love is infinite, available anywhere and everywhere. It’s probably why we can always fall out and back into love. It’s probably why we can never really peak in life either, so long as you’ve found something, anything worth living for, you’ve found love.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Relationships: What Makes A Powerful Partnership?

by, VanCityLifeCoach.com

Relationships

We construct our goals and our life missions based on the very traits of our own identity. We seek the things we like and love, and work towards eliminating anything negative. We propel our lives forward by desire and in search of fulfillment, so why settle for anything less in relationships?

There’s a list of things in my life that I rarely like to talk about, relationships feature prominently on that list. For those who know me personally, know that I’m very focused on what I want from life, but when it comes to relationships I find myself always changing my mind.

I don’t know why and maybe it’s just me, but the intimacy and connection one can create with another is difficult to put into words. It’s an experience to live rather than a discussion to have; each relationship is as individual as the people who make them.

Hand on heart, I consider myself lucky to have experienced this phenomena first hand, even though it was short lived, it left a lasting impression on my life. It changed my entire point of view on what it means to be connected to another person.

You see, it was never about how she smiled or how she did her hair that mattered. It was the impact she had on my aspirations that opened my eyes to what it meant to have a powerful partner. Furthermore it was the impact I had on her aspirations, where I understood the importance of companionship and its role in life.

Your identity has its strengths and its weaknesses, knowing these traits help you succeed in every aspect of your life and therefore very important to understand when getting into a relationship. You must find and be a partner that contributes to self-assurance.

Where I was angry she was calm, where she suffered doubt I offered confidence, where I lacked patience she had time. To put it simply, where one was weak the other was strong and it was always about balancing out the weaker components of each other’s identity that made the bond strong.

Being in a relationship does have a bigger purpose to serve and the strength of your identity will establish what you have to gain and what you have to offer.

A powerful partnership goes beyond your interests and hobbies, far from the music you like and what you share in common. As far as I’ve experienced, they’re just conveniences that fill moments in living everyday life. Take all that away and what are you truly left with? What purpose does the relationship serve?

Don’t allow yourself to be influenced by individuals desperate to find each other, but have yet to find themselves. Continue to learn more about yourself and grow to know what it is you have to gain from a relationship, and how a relationship will guide you closer towards a life of fulfillment.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

3 Ways to Identify a Hater – Dealing With Negative People

From being bullied as a child to being discouraged for having the guts to dream today, I always thought shutting out negativity was the only way to deal with a person whose sole purpose was to bring me down, known as ‘the hater’. We all know that keeping persistently positive and moving closer to our dreams will often attract people who want to try to break our spirit rather than elevate it. I’m going to give you insight which might help you deal with these people better – it just takes a little understanding.

I found there are three types of negative people:

1. The hater that got left behind – the most common type of hater, these are the people who feel you’ve surpassed them in life. People who aren’t doing what you’re doing because insecurities and fears hold them back. They fail to understand your goals, dreams and ambitions but for some reason have formed an opinion on you and your mission. Often closed-minded in nature, these types of people are coming from a lack of understanding. To deal with them is to hope that one day they can overcome their fears and embark on their own journey.

2. The competitive hater – these people are the ones often difficult to distinguish, because they do have their own goals and dreams and they are working towards them. So why are they so negative towards you? To put it simply, your competition. Often jealousy driven, they believe dishing out negativity to those on par with their lives will bring them success. Remember what I said about brands? (click here if you need a reminder) Your brand image is conflicting with theirs, rather than brand themselves up; they try to bring you down. The unfortunate thing here is that there is an opportunity to learn from each other and find new ways to grow, here is a person that has all the qualities to be successful but they hold themselves back because they allow other people to determine what success means to them and allow other people to determine their confidence. My only opinion is to just be true to yourself, if you have a firm belief, believe in it, if you have passion, go with it and if you have a dream, stick to it. Appreciate this person for their potential, remember – if you want people to believe in you, you need to believe in others, show them how you’re happy on your way, hoping that it will encourage them to focus on their own path.

3. The hater on top – this type of hater, oddly enough, is the one we want to hear from but are affected by the most. They are the people ‘living the dream’, who are successful but dishing out negativity towards you because you’re on you way to greet them. Ironically, their hate stems from your journey, they fear your on that path to achieving success and they do not want you there. They’ve become complacent but you’re challenging them. Don’t mind them, if you’re hearing from them, then it simply suggests you’re heading in the right direction. You’re an upcoming threat in their eyes, they’re trying to knock you out of the game. As they focus on you, you focus on yourself

Remember to always return a positive favor when faced with a hater, insecurities and fears breed negative people, which is why I say stay persistently positive, your energy will eventually rub off on others and you’ll notice you’ll attract less and less negativity. The moment you give in is the moment you begin losing your way.

I noticed that the more these people tried to bring me down, they made me just want to aim higher. I hadn’t realized how motivating these people can actually be. Now let’s not get carried away, I’m not saying I need these people in my life but understanding them opens my eyes to motivations I can draw from them. On a side note, always remember there is a thin line between concern and negativity as well as critique and judgment so don’t start categorizing everyone as a hater who doesn’t agree with you. Positivity wouldn’t exist if negativity wasn’t around, we’ll always have to deal with it, so I say embrace them once you understand them.

VanCity