Why are you afraid?

Imitation = Fear

Imitation is an expression of fear, because we imitate to blend in, to be accepted by society, and for others to notice that we fit in and that we belong. We imitate because we’re afraid of being rejected should we ever reveal our truest selves.

Many of us, predominately in the West I feel, are searching for that sense of belonging from a very early age. Think about how a toddler behaves, they walk around confidently, wearing the rawest version of themselves. Forever curious, they’re always in search of answers. Although it may not last too long, toddlers are also very compassionate, incredibly loving and confidently expressive.

I think as conscious awareness develops, there comes a time when we become curious about ourselves and our place in this world, and I think it’s at this crucial point when fear of expression starts to develop. It’s like we spend most of our lives slowly breaking free from a cocoon and once free, we’re very quickly misguided.

As we develop some independence we turn to the world around us for guidance on this human experience. However, the world is still very much an unequal place and as we receive its messages, predominantly through mass media, the majority of us feel underrepresented. When we do not see ourselves being represented, we quickly learn to feel that this is a world in which we do not belong, so what do we do? We imitate.

We buy into popular trends, we follow false idols, and we mimic those who are presented as most-self-actualized. We often do this so blindly that it becomes normal, until the distance between who we really are and who we’ve presented ourselves to be is so wide, that we become afraid to face the truth, and/or unsure of it.

It develops an anxiety of sorts, an uncertainty about the future and thus the quest for happiness continues to be a trivial pursuit. We feed fear each time we deny ourselves the opportunity to be liberated.

What are you afraid of?

I suppose we can measure fear by how much of our lives we spend imitating others. The world accepting us for how well we imitate it, is not the world accepting us. We’re merely helping the powers at be, reinforce their egos. If we want to be represented then we must show the world who it is that needs representation. However, chances are we’re all one of a kind and when we accept this we probably won’t care for representation, because instead we’ll be seeking only inspiration.

Remember the key to fulfillment, in any aspect of life, is a strong and affirmed identity.

Be you. Be inspired. Be Inspiring.

Read the full post here.

Sex and Its Impact On Success

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I grew up in a culture surrounded by sexual repression. A subject too taboo to discuss openly in an environment where dating wasn’t even a topic of consideration.  Which I found bizarre considering my ancestors nurtured a land of spiritual liberation and sexual expression and exploration, India.

Sex is an act we should discuss more openly and practice more freely, because confidence in the bedroom can help strengthen our vulnerabilities and affirm our identities.  It can help us reach an esteemed level of self-assurance, and can uplift our intimate relationships to a level of complete acceptance and assurance. And if we’re feeling secure and confident within ourselves, we’re more likely to succeed in many other aspects of our lives.

To maintain happy and healthy lives, we must always monitor and maintain balance. If you’re an individual that strives for meaningful sexual experiences, sex or rather bad sex, can be an indication of imbalance. Basically if you’re not enjoying your sexual experiences and you’re left feeling unfulfilled, it could be a sign that there’s a problem in some other area of your life.

It is often said that our minds are the most powerful sexual organs we possess, therefore to understand sex and its impact on success, we must first connect to the moments that lead us to meaningful sexual experiences. Therefore we cannot talk about sex without establishing the roles of attraction and love first:

  1. Attraction = the recognition of a compatible energy, as your identity seeks Balance.

Shed the shallow ideologies presented in the media, and you’ll find that attraction is a very personal pursuit. What we find attractive is as individual as our own identities. Who we find attractive isn’t just based on just looks, everyone knows that personality plays a large role.

The more open and honest you are about what you find attractive, the securer you’ll feel approaching who you find attractive, ultimately feeling secure within your own self. You’ll significantly improve your chances of finding a sexual partner that you’re compatible with, increasing your chances of finding someone that will help you strive for and maintain balance within your life. You’ll learn very quickly, that knowing what you want will help you achieve exactly the success you desire, much faster.

  1. Love = the recognition of acceptance, as two compatible identities become Balanced.

As you become accustomed to knowing what you’re attracted to, you significantly increase your chances of finding love. Love is to be completely accepting and to feel accepted. Two identities forming a connection unbound by convention, but bound by acceptance. Love will significantly improve your self-assurance, because being loved is knowing that who you are is valuable. That small four lettered emotion positively impacts your identity and your personal pursuits, because you’ve found your ultimate supporter and your biggest fan. That encouragement will guide you to success, by navigating you through the challenges that will most likely arise.

  1. Sex = the recognition of truth, as two identities performing the Balancing Act.

Good sex, the best sex, is when both/all parties involved can be completely vulnerable, open and honest with each other. Attraction can take you so far but sex will uncover a lot of truths. I think back to random one-night encounters, often they lack fulfillment, because it’s difficult to be completely vulnerable, honest and open with someone you’ve just met. Also the initial attraction may have been a deception, because the sex never measured up against the identity you perceived.

Sex uncovers a lot of truths about an individual, and when both parties do measure up to that initial attraction, sex becomes this awe-inspiring, self-assuring experience you expect it to be, and you begin to trust your own judgment and instinct. You begin to unleash your inner genius and tap into your potential, the very fibers of fulfilling success.

Encourage yourself to become more open and confident around the topic of sex, sexuality and what you find sexy, and begin your journey into liberation. The impact of living a liberated life, will feed the energy of unlimited success.

VanCity

10 Ways to Feel Better About Yourself and Into a Positive Mind-Set

Brush it off

Whenever you’re having a bad day or just need to clear your thoughts, try adopting some of the following principles to uplift your spirit, so that you can continue to deal with whatever life decides to throw your way.

#1 Liberation

Be honest and confess your heart out. We all have secrets that weigh us down, things that we continue to push back into the deep, dark corners of our minds. These repressions only add insult to an already difficult time in life, free yourself from the burden of locking up this stress and liberate yourself today. There’s an emotional freedom and strength you develop when you unlock both your heart and your mind.

#2 Withdrawal

There are certain things in life that occur outside the bounds of your control. You can either let this negative impact consume your spirit or, do what I prefer to do: plaster on a smile and say (aloud) “Fu*k it!” It’s my way of remaining in the present, not fearing what the past has to torment me, nor what the future has waiting for me (#fuckcancer).

#3 Bliss

Take a drive, book a weekend away, go out…do something for yourself that allows you to comfortably express yourself. Always take time for moments of bliss, to feel comfortable in your own skin; free to just be yourself. Personally, I book a trip away every quarter just to break away from the insanity that we refer to as the “real” world.

#4 Serenity

Go on a communications hiatus. Turn off the phone, close the laptop and pick up a book or engage in an activity that gives you time to relax and recover. Take time out to listen to your thoughts and be at peace with time. You can become so reliant on staying connected, that you can end up losing touch with yourself.

#5 Gratitude

Remind yourself of everything in your life that you’re thankful for and show appreciation towards it/them. Whether you’re grateful for the roof over your head or the people in your life, spend time protecting and showing appreciation to your most cherished assets. Oh, and don’t forget about your health; look after your mind and body.

#6 Community

Nothing eases the pressures of life than supporting others that could benefit from your help. Humbling, freeing and incredibly rewarding, helping others can really snap you out of negative thought processes. It can remind you that you’re worth something to someone, even if you believe the world and everyone in it is against you.

#7 Amnesty

Forgive. Forget. Move on. Let go of grudges; let go of the energy it takes to hate someone. Holding onto hate will only prevent you from moving forward. Understand that time gives you the opportunity to heal, but you must let go if you want to facilitate this process. Trust me, I held on to hate as if it were the life that ran through my veins, and it led my identity astray.

Also, fess up and seek redemption if you need to. We’re all human, we’re all learning, we’re all connected and we feel the same emotions. Make your mistakes but own up to them, if you let them fester and do nothing, they’ll develop into regrets you’ll later live with.

#8 Confidence

Say yes more! Just do it, if you’re hesitant then that’s your indication that there’s a part of you that wants to experience and explore your curiosity – this is life! However, if you’re completely certain and very confident that you don’t want to do something, then don’t do it, listen to your intuition and your gut instincts.

#9 Passion

Indulge in your hobbies and unleash your inner expert. Do things that make you feel proud of yourself; do things that make you feel accomplished. Explore those things that interest you, especially if others do not understand why. Your hobbies and your passions make you unique and they’ll keep your identity intact. Never lose sight of who you are.

#10 Mindfulness

Often associated to meditation, but I’ve learned that mindfulness is just about being completely present without judgment. I liken it to the freedom you experience behind closed doors. Tap into your creative spirit, express yourself and feel good! Get yourself into a flow state and reclaim your life; sing, dance, paint, write…you have endless ways to be mindful in your very own, individual way.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

How the Other Half Live: Scaling Honesty

The Honesty Scale

 

Your mind is the most powerful tool you have, within it are the very ideas that will guide you to your dream.

For most, those ideas are often hidden or contained within barriers of emotion and perceived threats. Threats and emotions you use as a defense against who you really are and what you really want from life. So you protect your ideas from the world in order to fit in, into a life longing for more, until you become another person to let a dream die.

For a brief moment, look into the world with an objective lens, referring to the diagram above, you’ll notice that you can place people on a scale. On one side you have those passing time – going through the motions of life, restricting their ideas and resulting in a loss or lack of true identity.

On the other side, you have people who live freely, making time for the life they really want to live. Exploring their ideas and building their lives towards their dream. Living life by the true nature of their identity in pursuit of their own goals.

It’s pretty obvious where most of us would like to be placed, but to determine your position on this scale you should ask yourself “how honest are you?”

Decision Time

Honesty Scale

Honesty is a very important component when shaping a life your happy with. For me it was being able to tell the world that I want to make a difference and actually help people. Sounds easy enough, but very difficult if you grew up exposed to an environment and philosophy no less – that linked a good life and success to self-gratification.

The more honest you are to yourself and to others around you, the closer you are towards the happier side of the scale. We’re all individuals capable of greatness but unfortunately the messages we consume or are exposed to can crumble our ability to be honest.

You’ll reach that center point, that pivotal ‘decision time’ at several stages in your life. To either be honest about what you want and embark on a journey among the other half making time to live. Or cave under the pressure of fear and change, burying your honesty to follow the path back to passing time – making room for short term fulfillment like the purchase of a new phone and following latest trends.

You avoid thinking for yourself because it’s easier to let influences distract you from what you really want or rather, what you truly do not have. Remember you can never run away from the truth but honesty will eventually catch up with you in the form of frustration and stress. Due to the lack of lasting fulfillment your lead back to that central point.

Your ideas and your mind crave to be free, they’ll fight for freedom and rise to the surface again and again. You have opportunities to make lasting changes in your life but ultimately it’s whether you’re willing to admit the truth in order to move closer towards ‘making time’.

Considered Different

I reckon we’re all born at the right side of the scale but as we grow up we’re influenced to live life by ‘passing time’. Therefore when we decide to break free from that, we’re considered different, but you must learn to share your truths in order to succeed.

I also thought about how boys are afraid to express emotion and vulnerability because of a misguided view on what it takes to be a man. Then on the other hand, girls afraid to share ambition and courage because of the mixed messages they’re exposed to that define women. We teach children to bury their honesty without even realizing it, to grow up on a “trivial pursuit of happiness.”

When I tell people I’m writing a book and that I want to coach others closer to the best that they can be, people think that it’s “amazing” and that it’s “different” when in actuality, it’s a lot easier than it was writing my university dissertation and much easier than going to a job i’m not fulfilled by. I’ve set my mind free, allowed myself to be honest about what I want from life and it led me to this path towards fulfillment. I’m naturally encouraged to think for myself now and challenge ideology.

The longer you live to pass time the more helpless you’re going to feel when it comes to making that decision, because the transition from chasing work/trends to chasing your dream comes with incredible challenges. However the more truthful you are to yourself, you’ll empower yourself to follow through with your goals and with each goal accomplished, the easier it’ll become to aim for what you truly want.

Eventually fear and doubt will cease to exist and you’ll obtain a set ofSuper Powers’ to help you along. Just like any major change in life, it just takes some time getting used to.

Just remember, being honest exposes your identity, your identity defines your dream and the energy of your dream gives you the motivation, courage and determination to pursue it. It just all depends on how honest you are willing to be.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach