How to Reduce Anxiety and Ease the Pressure of Making Choices

Connecting two worlds

Sometimes I feel like I’m standing in a shallow sea just as the sun is about to set and the tide about to rise. Although I may feel content and happy where I am, I’m merely moments away from a bad situation and if I don’t do something soon, I’ll be stuck here wishing I had made the choice to move sooner.

When we feel content and safe in a situation, it’s easy to overlook our pursuit for fulfillment. We begin to struggle with the choices we need to and/or want to make, that progress our lives towards betterment and actualization. This complacency feeds anxiety.

The longer we do hold onto a comfortable situation, the closer we become to losing sight of who we truly are and what we truly want. We can lose sight of our aspirations and motivations, as our complacent ways consume and become our identity.

Our true desires eventually catch up to us, for complacency can only repress our inner intentions for so long. There’s no running away from who we truly are and what we truly want from life, as it only takes a tiny spark of inspiration to reignite our true identities. And when we are reminded of who we actually are and what we actually want from life, we’re confronted with many choices that cause anxiety.

I’m working with several clients that are realizing this burden of complacency in life and are now facing a great deal of anxiety, because they’re facing the “pressures of freedom of choice.”

A wise connection of mine known as ‘Dilly Dave, recently published a video on anxiety and he describes it very well. He talks about how we need to take action in order to limit worry and overcome “the dizziness, of freedom of choice.” I think it’s a compelling video that sums up anxiety and worry brilliantly, check it out below:

To ease this pressure, I want to share something we all already know but easily forget, it’s the importance of engaging in trial and error.

I came to this re-realization when I began delving into both spiritual and scientific practices that help people reduce anxiety. Personally, I’ve noticed a huge impact on my life since adopting yoga and meditation, but what really intrigued me was how these practices actually developed.

Breakthroughs and discoveries in both Science and Spirituality are the result of trial and error, and I hadn’t noticed this primary link that connected the two together. Both, on the same mission towards solving problems and seeking answers, only progressed and discovered results because of regular trial and error.

Ironically, anxiety causes complications as we’re overrun by choices, yet a proven method towards solving problems and seeking answers, thrives on the many choices we’re presented with. Therefore it’s very important to understand that making the wrong choice shouldn’t really be the thing we should concern our lives with, failing to try is what we  really should be focusing on.

Motivation is triggered by thoughts that access our potential. If our thoughts are focused on making the wrong choice, then we’re only feeding an anxious spirit. However, if we mindfully focus our thoughts towards the outcome of not trying, we begin to awaken a motivated spirit.

There’s a wonderful bliss that one can experience when engaged in seeking answers. We can enter an active flow state and steady our minds just by engaging in life’s most simple and most effective learning tools. To sum up, we can begin to reduce anxiety by embracing the pleasure of discovery.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

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Decoding Destiny and Making a Pact

DESTINY METERDestiny is a tricky concept to grasp.

Some suggest that destiny is a predetermined path that our lives will follow. That we have no control over our destiny and there’s no escaping what we’re destined for.

On the other hand, I’ve heard that destiny is completely ours to determine. Suggesting that we are the creators of our own destiny, and that we control the outcome of our own lives by the choices we make today.

I’ve been trying to wrap my head around the concept of destiny for some time now, trying to align it with my belief that every person has potential for greatness.

If there is such a thing as destiny, then there must definitely be more than one predetermined outcome. After all, we’re all beings with untapped potential, therefore we all have the opportunity within us to shape a great destiny. The outcome of our lives is on us and we are responsible for ensuring we reach a positive inevitable.

So I reckon that destiny is on a spectrum: on one side of this spectrum we’re destined for greatness and on the other, lays an insignificant destiny. Where we land on destiny’s spectrum depends on how we live our lives today.

For example, if I spend every day, every present moment possible in engaging my passions, building experience and skill, then I can pretty much gauge that I’m shaping a destiny toward an inevitable greatness. However, if I’m lazy, giving into procrastination, idly living, willingly lacking direction and not even attempting to make something of my life, then destiny’s gauge will naturally sway closer towards an inevitable insignificance.

Basically, I think destiny offers several predetermined outcomes on a scale between insignificance and greatness. Our aim should obviously be to achieve the ultimate greatness we are destined for and it is the choices we make today, that determine how close we actually get to achieving it. It’s like every good decision we make sways destiny’s pointer towards greatness, and every bad decision we make sways the pointer back towards insignificance.

Keeping this figurative scale in the forefront of my mind allows me to feel in control of my destiny, albeit inevitable. It keeps me motivated to work on my goals and forces me to mindfully make decisions, ensuring I secure a positive future. Ambitious I agree, but it’s like I’m making my own pact with destiny.

Also, don’t forget that greatness is ours to determine, for instance what I deem to be great for me and my life, may seem insignificant to another. So long as we remain true to our identities and stand by what we want from life, we can guide our own inevitable.

Think about it, to which destiny are you catering your life for? Are you navigating your life towards ultimate greatness or are you catering your life towards something insignificant?

Remember you only have one life, so give yourself the opportunity to do something great with it.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

If I Had All the Money in the World…

Money

If I posed the question, “What would you be doing right now, if money was no object?” You’d probably be able to answer it quite easily. Some of you may even have several different answers, each one just as fantastical and glamorous as the last, but how truthful would your answer be?

To be honest, the answers you construct wouldn’t matter anyway, the detail you should be focusing on, is how different your life is now to that of your fantasy? Or rather, why is a fantasy so appealing?

When you find that life isn’t quite shaping out the way you had hoped, where life just isn’t exciting and that it lacks a certain je ne sais quoi, questions like these tend to arise simply because you desire something better.

The problem with this particular question, is that it never really forces you to face your true desires. Having more money just gives you the option to escape into a belief of fulfillment. You’ll probably base your answers on what you’ve seen on the telly or what’s been covered in those shiny magazines, because those people look so happy.

If you truly seek change and you really want to build a better life for yourself, you should start by asking yourself “What decisions would you make right now, if you could make them without any consequences?”

You live your everyday life chained to responsibility and ideology without giving yourself the opportunity to really explore the depth of your identity. If you had the ability to make a consequence-free decision right now, what would it be? If you could leave it all behind where would you take your life? What purpose would you fulfill/discover?

Ask yourself these questions and face the honesty that you probably live with but never ponder. Really get to grips with a reality where you are in full control of your life. Where life is dictated by the very traits of who you are, rather than what you can do with how much you’re worth. For once just think about doing something for yourself that probably only you would understand.

Until you face what it is you truly want from life, you’re never going to live. Life is way too valuable to live idly.

I know there’s definitely some work ahead of me to attain the life I want to live, but I know with each word I write, each person I coach and each effort I make to build a more fulfilled life for myself, I’ll never need to find comfort in escapism, for I’m already on a road to where I want to be.

Allowing myself to think freely in this way, has allowed me to configure my goals independently and tap into the heartbeat of my own desires.

Even for just a moment, take consequences out of the equation and it’s remarkable what you may learn about yourself and/or what it is you actually want. Face some truths so that you can navigate your life towards something more fulfilling

Don’t become just another irritated soul trying to fit into this world, become a liberated one and claim your place in it.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

The Feel Good Factor – “Don’t Worry. Be Happy!”

:-)

🙂

A question always presented by my parents, no matter what crazy idea I supported, whatever journey I embarked on or whatever risks I’ve taken; “are you happy?”

It’s a simple question, but it’s the simplicity of it that I relate to. That one question inadvertently forces me to face any of my life’s decisions and yes it includes relationships.

Life isn’t supposed to be complicated, so long as you’re living by this one principle. Don’t get me wrong, it can get hard as hell making life work your way, but it’s knowing that you’re invested in the things that will make you happy, is what makes life worthwhile.

When you really think about it, what is the essence of your goals and dreams?

This feel good factor has nothing to do with indulging your inner desires. It’s having the focus, determination and courage to be who you are and to live your life how you intend to. If you can achieve this way of living then happiness is what you’ll generate.

Life is what you make of it and I want you to make it happy one. Go out there and show the world what your made of, wear a smile on your face and prove that life is worth living.

I just had a random flashback of my mum’s morning alarm song; to quote the lyrics of Bobby McFerrin  (a.k.a. Mums wake up song) -“Don’t worry, Be Happy!” 🙂

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Understanding Fear and the Fear in Decision Making

Decision

We’re always faced with making big decisions; decisions that shape our lives and decisions we make that affect others around us. In such situations we often seek out advice, but often enough our advisers turn into influencers. Just like consultants, we trust that their steering us down the right path because we lack knowledge or skill. So we can often get misguided by placing our trust in others or dismiss good advice completely because of past experiences…

…and on this other hand if we’re not seeking advice, we’re battling against our own experiences and instincts, we rely on what we already know to help aid our decisions. Good or bad, our past has a big influence over our future, previous failures and successes determine the size of risk we’re willing to take. We play by odds and a battle between heart and mind commences.

All my life I’ve gone with my instinct and followed my passions – it’s what I trust the most, but now and again my instincts get overwhelmed and my passions are taken aback when faced with big, often life altering decisions. I lose trust in my own instinct, or not notice what it’s telling me because of all the uncertainty.

Now normally I would battle on and power through a swaying decision until I uncover the answer, but I’ve learned over and over that there is no time to sit and wait – by doing so major opportunities maybe missed and I’m to be left with regret.

Making quick decisions is a skill you develop when you trust yourself. If you doubt yourself you begin to lose that trust, you lose that trust then you’ll live in fear; fear of failure.

To help me out I did what I rarely do, I took a break from my existence. In order to process my thoughts and figure out what I wanted, I had to escape everyone and everything for a moment so that I can re-enter my life definitive. Up until this point I was hit with so many persuasions (both internal and external), I didn’t know whether to fight or flight or where to draw arguments from; it was intimidating.

So, I turned off my cell phone, packed a bottle of water and literally went on a hike. I didn’t even pack my i-pod, music motivates my mood and I didn’t want to be influenced by anything. I journeyed to a familiar spot so that I wouldn’t get distracted by a new environment and I hiked towards a solitary place overlooking the city. From there I just sat with my bottle of water and only had my mind to keep me company, something that is often difficult to do in today’s society, but I processed the hell out of my thoughts.

It was refreshing but it was difficult. For the first 20 minutes or so I kept thinking about all the time I was wasting, the time that could be better spent investing in more productive projects. Focusing on the stuff I needed to get done, thinking I should have brought my laptop along and missing my I-pod. It was like my mind was in rush hour and my thoughts were stuck in traffic; I wasn’t getting anywhere but I was very eager to move on from them.

I continued to sit there and my mind eventually rested, I began thinking of the most random things, bizarre memories would just make their way forward and somehow I was taken back to the very first time I visited New York City; the excitement and the motivation that I felt back then. I remembered how ridiculously naive I was and how little I knew about the world and about life in general and yet, remember feeling like I could rule the world – I wasn’t scared because I had no other choice but to take control and let my identity lead the way.

It was then I realized that my indecisiveness came from fear and my theory is: fear is a reaction to the lack of control. I had lost complete control over a decision, which is why I feared making it. Fear also starts a war between the physiological and the psychological which is why you’re only really presented with the fight or flight option and i choose believe that’s bulls***, therefore I present to you my loop hole.

When you’re struck with fear and a difficult decision, take the time to just escape for a moment, not completely but just for a moment, re-align yourself with your goals to regain control, to turn the situation around to your advantage and face your decision with your life insight.

Like me it may take some reminding of what you want or gained from life, others it may mean educating yourself more for a better understanding. Whichever way you can regain control, allow yourself to break away into thought to figure a way out of doubt. It allowed me to fully understand the decision I needed to make, it was as if I could see the light bulb flashing above my head and everything suddenly became crystal clear – I came to my own conclusion to overcome the conflict and made my decision. I restored trust back into my instincts.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach