The Feel Good Factor – “Don’t Worry. Be Happy!”

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A question always presented by my parents, no matter what crazy idea I supported, whatever journey I embarked on or whatever risks I’ve taken; “are you happy?”

It’s a simple question, but it’s the simplicity of it that I relate to. That one question inadvertently forces me to face any of my life’s decisions and yes it includes relationships.

Life isn’t supposed to be complicated, so long as you’re living by this one principle. Don’t get me wrong, it can get hard as hell making life work your way, but it’s knowing that you’re invested in the things that will make you happy, is what makes life worthwhile.

When you really think about it, what is the essence of your goals and dreams?

This feel good factor has nothing to do with indulging your inner desires. It’s having the focus, determination and courage to be who you are and to live your life how you intend to. If you can achieve this way of living then happiness is what you’ll generate.

Life is what you make of it and I want you to make it happy one. Go out there and show the world what your made of, wear a smile on your face and prove that life is worth living.

I just had a random flashback of my mum’s morning alarm song; to quote the lyrics of Bobby McFerrin  (a.k.a. Mums wake up song) -“Don’t worry, Be Happy!” 🙂

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

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Live Your Dream: If You Have Time To Think, You Have Time To Act.

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If I had the power, I would remove the need to require sleep, because just before bed my mind is always racing from all the ideas that I want to plan and put into action. I want to start researching and gathering information to make all my ideas a reality. If it weren’t for knowing that I have to sleep, I’d probably be up every single night taking action, making plans and igniting powerful energy towards a promising outcome. Nevertheless, I keep a pen and paper handy or my trusty Smartphone to jot down every idea that comes to mind, just so that my thoughts won’t run into a web of randomness and unorganized nonsense and so that I can get some much-needed shut-eye and look into my notes as soon as possible.

I overheard a conversation the other day, it was a couple of guys talking about a small business idea they had. It was just a simple idea that if researched enough, it could have proved successful for them. Here’s the thing, although spending all this time during their coffee break discussing an idea, they never spent one moment to act upon it. In that very short space of time they could have researched so much about their idea and they could have answered many of the questions they had. They could have looked into the feasibility of making their dream a reality; all it would have taken was a couple of Google searches to get the ball rolling. Unfortunately, like many others out there, they decided to pay for their coffee and return to work and ended off their conversation “if only we had the money” and walked away feeling intimidated by the very thought of making things happen.

I’m calling bullshit on this excuse. If they had 30 minutes to talk about an idea, dreaming up the potential lifestyles they could be living, they could have spent a good chunk of that 30 minutes looking into viable options towards making their dream a reality. Always remember, small actions that you take today can impact heavily on your future. If I had never opened up my laptop and wrote my first blog post, I wouldn’t be working on my book today. My excuse was always “I don’t have the time and I don’t know how to write.” Look at me now, I’m definitely a better writer now than I was then and now I can officially say to people “I’m a blogger!” I always anticipated that I’d be in this position today but never really expected it to happen and it all started out by taking small actions.

Many people forget that the most successful people they admire started off by taking small actions towards their dreams. Evidence can be found in the story behind any person you consider successful. Sir Allen Sugar started out selling products from the back of a van, Mark Zuckerberg started coding in his spare time, heck, even Beyoncé started out by singing in her back garden – look at where they are now and when the day comes to tell my story: I’ll say I started writing to kill time on a graveyard shift.

The examples are endless but the key to living any dream is to take action. Small steps towards success can lead to giant leaps towards your dreams. If you have the time to think about it you have the time to act on it! Remember, a vital component towards achieving anything in life is taking the steps to make things happen.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Live Your Dream: Invest Your Time Wisely

Make a Splash!

Remember when we were kids and we used to aimlessly jump into puddles, I remember I used to go out my way to find these shallow patches of water to make the biggest splash that I could. I’d get so carried away until I had completely drenched my socks misjudging the depth, but I didn’t care. I remember it being so thrilling because I was doing what I wanted to do, regardless of being told otherwise and each time it felt like some sort of accomplishment. Recently this random thought had stuck with me for a while and I noticed how differently many of us live our lives today. How many of us can honestly say we seek that thrill and want to make that impact? Don’t get me wrong I understand that we have responsibilities now and commitments that we never had before, but surely there’s still enough time to jump into a puddle now and then; investing time into shaping the life we want to lead will positively impact on our lives.

Do we invest enough time towards building the life we want to live and the way we want to live it? We continue to follow the same routine daily only to realize how much time we could have spent investing into our true goals. Things had recently settled down for me and I began to feel incredibly uncomfortable; surely working everyday and paying bills on time every month isn’t what people have evolved to. I know there is so much more I want from life because there’s so much more that life has to offer. I’m at a point now where I’ve met a lot of goals and now I’m ready to aim higher. I’m ready to jump into even bigger puddles.

I find it absolutely frustrating when I come across people who are willing to invest more time deciding on what type of partner they want before carving out an identity of their own. I find it disheartening when I see parents spend more time in a furniture store deciding on which coffee table to purchase rather than nurturing the minds of their offspring. I also find it bizarre how people can tell me more about other individuals, but can hardly piece two sentences together about themselves. At what point did this change, we start lives off so care-free and so individual to only have our identities consumed by the routines we follow. Somehow we decide to be a little more careful and take fewer risks; we find more time for the most insignificant decisions over investing time in shaping our own lives because we’re either afraid of failure or just learn that we simply can’t.

I turn to the people I admire today and am in awe of what they have achieved because it all started with a risk. Looking into a bold move and diving into a new challenge, they never allow themselves to become complacent and always aim higher. Never feeling they’ve hit their peak and investing their time wisely by seeking opportunity and focusing on goals by drowning out the pollution around them. My sister is probably one of the strongest willed people I know; a description of hell would probably sound like a vacation compared to the ups and downs she has faced in life, but nothing has stopped her from aiming higher to prove to herself, not to anybody else, that she can create a life that she is truly satisfied with.

Had a random conversation about the universe today and the topic lead to how minute our lives are in comparison to time and space, I thought to myself, f*** that! That notion doesn’t work for me, I may be only one out of about 7 billion people on this planet but I’m going to make pretty damn sure that this “one” makes an impact on himself and actually lives. There’s already too many irritated souls filling this planet with doubt and negativity not realizing that the benefits of today came from the ones who made a big splash yesterday.  I’m not saying I want my name to go down in the history books and I don’t adopt this mind-set purely for others to know who I am and what I’m about. I simply know what I can achieve for myself. Prove to myself that this life is worth more than a routine. Life shouldn’t be wasted walking around puddles taking the safer route, just jump right in and make that splash!

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Why Insecurities Develop When Used To Mask Doubts in Relationships

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When a discussion topic turns to relationships, the term insecurities get thrown into conversations all the time. Many people I’ve spoken to tend to say that their insecurities are affecting their relationships. However during the course of discussion, the case is that people will use the term as an excuse to simply mask and avoid doubts and concerns – ultimately blaming themselves for an entire problem that they may never have caused. For example, if someone is concerned that they are not getting the attention they deserve from their partner, compared to at the beginning of the relationship; many people justify that as an outcome of one’s insecurities getting in the way, rather than investigating where the doubt stems from first. Unfortunately when left unresolved, these doubts begin to develop into actual insecurities that carry over into other relationships.

First of all, here’s what I know about feeling insecure: People rarely reveal their insecurities, if someone is truly insecure about something; they do everything to avoid highlighting it. Feelings of insecurity are internal, insecurities will affect one’s own behavior, personality and self-confidence and it’s a huge self-esteem knocker. Feeling insecure is psychological and often stems from trauma and not from unfortunate situations.

In relationships when things begin to go south we always try to find a way to reason them. We want to understand why a certain situation is occurring. However, what I have found from many people is that they use their insecurities as a reason, almost like a defense mechanism, to avoid understanding the actual root of their genuine feelings. Also, people don’t like to feel their making the same mistake twice, so when they feel that something iffy is recurring, they confuse their emotions and reason with insecurity. It’s easier to admit fault with our insecurities as they are difficult to overcome, than to face up and deal with a relationship that could be on the rocks or even failing. It’s taking the easy way out.

To define those points which trigger feelings of insecurity is to look at the doubts you have, which in most cases means to track changes in behavior, either of your own or your partners. If you’re still the same person in the relationship as you were when you began it, then most likely it’s not insecurities that are making you feel uneasy, listen to your instinct instead. If you had insecurities in your past which you felt were resolved but now feel have been triggered, then you need to define the moment things changed and resolve it, before you begin blaming yourself. If you feel you’ve never had insecurities in the beginning and now they’ve developed, then you need to define the moment they began; In many circumstances you will notice that it’s caused from a change of behavior in the other person within the relationship. When we can pinpoint changes, we can then begin to unveil the true reason.

Consider doubts your warning signs, your mind and body will try to tell you if you’re beginning to feel symptoms of insecurity. If you notice yourself becoming more introverted, avoiding discussion and shunning away from the topic of relationships – these are signs of feeling insecure in your relationship, which then can be identified as causing the problems. If you’re openly talking about your relationship and trying to engage in discussion to resolve issues – these are your doubts. Feeling truly insecure in a relationship is very damaging, you open yourself to be controlled, manipulated and your identity can slowly get consumed. Justifying doubts as insecurities can lead feeling like every relationship you enter will ultimately fail because of your “insecurities” and you end up jumping over hurdles and compromises that can cause emotional harm.

Here’s some advice, if your partner isn’t helping you feel more secure and comfortable, then clearly the relationship lacks a lot of the basics that make being in a relationship worthwhile. People forget the purpose of having another person in our lives – we need to feel empowered and encouraged by the people we keep close to us, to be surrounded with positivity and comfort and to offer this in return. Either way, you need to feel secure.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Be Successful: Nurture Your Goals

Having traveled back to the UK for the first time after a couple of years, I never felt more motivated to really nurture the goals I had set myself. I sat at my old desk, the very same desk I sat at to research and plan my way out of frustration and the mind-numbing life I had been living. I had a flashback to when I booked my first ticket out of the UK and it woke me up to realize how far I had really come. I also came to understand the potential of how much further I can go if I continued to nurture my goals. Even when there was that small crumb of doubt that things wouldn’t quite work out the way I wanted, my focused attention helped brush it off.

I met with old friends and past colleagues and many of them had set goals for themselves but had failed to reach them. They had set goals, but that was the easy part. Goals are the final result you want, you need to nurture a goal to make things happen. When I set a goal I look at hundreds of options before discovering how to do it, working on a goal regularly allows me to achieve it.

Research: probably the most important part of any goal set. Researching every aspect of your goal will start you off in the right direction. Research gives you options; it gives you ideas and will eventually open the door to a new opportunity. It may close the door on some ideas you thought would have worked, but upon further investigation you may realize that it isn’t what you want. Research allows you fine tune your goals and allows your objectives to fall into place.

Act Now or Never: the time to start is now, that doesn’t mean your end goal will be achieved right now, It means taking the first step: booking the ticket, starting the course, viewing the house…whatever the goal is you have many actions you can take right now that relate directly to it. If you don’t act now you delay the life you want to live. People often need reminding that it takes a lot of hard work, dedication and determination to get there and it won’t be easy! But the more you throw yourself into the world if your goal the easier it’ll get.

Adopt the right attitude: the biggest threat to you is yourself. Only you determine your failures and successes, I know this from firsthand experience. A lot of failures come from a weak state of mind, allowing yourself to follow the shadow of someone else’s success, allowing the first hurdle overwhelm your ambition and the fear of loss are common traits that can infiltrate an opportunists mind. One thing I can tell you is, no matter what level of success you achieve, hurdles are always going to be in your path, challenges will become more often than you think, but the thing that will distinguish those who succeed and will continue to do so, over those who won’t, are how challenges are met. Welcome them.

Repeat: as you progress to success remember to always go back to research and consider following through this advice over and over again. Each time set your sights higher and continue to build on your success, don’t get complacent. You can’t just stop at one achievement! I see my successes as stepping-stones, one just leads to the other. Your knowledge and understanding will develop, you’ll notice that you will want more and crave more. You’ll figure out a formula that works for you and before you know your life can surpass your dreams as you set more ambitious goals.

Wanting success is like a drug, I understand why many people say that once you’ve had a small taste you’ll want more and more. Its hunger, my drive and passion is practically linked to a physiological response because it’s just as important to me as eating. We only have this life right now and if we don’t live it we won’t have lived.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach