If you don’t want to give up, don’t.

 

Working to accomplish any goal is challenging, and often enough, it’s the mental challenges which cause us to buckle under pressure

We tend to set goals out of excitement, in high energy and with the focus of who we can be and what we can uncover when we achieve them. Although, it is naive to think that this is how we’re going to feel throughout point A to point B, but in truth, we need this naivety in order to set goals in the first place.

We have to allow our ambitions to override our instincts when setting goals, otherwise we’d see nothing but the challenges we’re going to face. There’d be no motivation to set a goal if all we focused on were the difficulties we’d come up against.

Our ambitions allow us to momentarily bypass reality and harness the intention of our desires. It’s a powerful force because that feeling we get when setting a goal, is a feeling we want to embody.

It’s like a higher version of self pays us a visit, shows us who we have the potential to be in order to seed an intention, then leaves us figure out how to make it happen. – Practically the epitome of the human experience; problem solving.

Challenges, they bring us back down to reality, they make us focus on the present moment and we should be incredibly grateful for that. For without our challenges, our goals would have no purpose whatsoever and we’d be living ignorantly and without purpose.

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When my clients talk about “giving up” I merely remind them that they’re only responding to the challenge at present. That if they truly wanted to give up, they wouldn’t have bothered setting the goal in question, in the first place. Nobody in the history of everything, started something with the intention of giving up. Giving up is a really dumb idea – go splash your face with some ice-cold water and realize that you’re still alive and in control.

If we’ve invested in our goals, then we should be equally, if not more invested in our challenges too. Our challenges help us identify what we don’t know, that’s why they’re so liberating when we overcome them, they help us develop.

If you feel pressured and feel like you should give up, just remember you’re responding to the challenge and not the goal. If you cannot handle the challenge, then scale back and formulate a new strategy, that’s all you have to do.

Many people overlook the fact that we yearn for the emotional response when achieving a goal; it’s that self-validation we’re striving for. It’s self-validation we need in order to unlock and harness our potential, and become self-realized. Giving up is self-sabotaging behavior and the only thing you’ll ever learn from giving up, is that you’re incapable of living and designing your own life.

On that note, I leave you with this one question: if you’re not living to experience what you’re truly capable of, what is it exactly, are trying to do with your life?

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Why You Should Always Challenge Yourself

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When was the last time your identity was pushed to its limits? When did you last overcome an intimidating challenge?

How you deal with and overcome challenges is a skill you develop. If you’re pretty good at it, chances are you’ve come across many challenges in your life. You’ve probably developed your skill well enough to withstand an array of pressures that life can throw at you.

One thing I advise people who pursue their own success, is to avoid complacency. The world and how it operates continues to evolve and change and our nature is to adapt to these changes. If you’re not nurturing your ability to overcome challenges, the more difficult it’ll be to adapt, more so when challenges are unavoidably presented.

As you become adapted to a life you’ve built, you may have learnt to avoid challenges as you nestle into comfort and ease. If you’re settled into routine and are comfortable in the everyday motions of life, it’s important to set yourself and see through goals/challenges regularly. They help you to strengthen your mindset, thus allowing you to tap into your identity; the stronger your will, the more confident and determined you’ll be to succeed in the passions YOU want to pursue.

Challenges present several learning opportunities that teach you more about yourself than you once thought. Challenges are a constant reminder, proof even, that personal potential is truly uncapped. If you’re constantly nurturing this mindset, you build up a tolerance against negative infiltrations like procrastination, doubt, insecurity and anything else that keeps you from reaching your self-actualized state.

Your mind as well as your body can be pushed to surprising limits and in order for you to continue your journey towards self-actualization, you should seek to challenge yourself whenever an opportunity arises.  You should always keep your mind and your body engaged in a constant state of improvement and progression.

Regularly engaging in challenges also helps you build up a tolerance of what you can handle at any given time. Remember, the more success you accumulate in your life, the more challenges you’ll come across to maintain and grow it.

Always continue to push yourself further today, so that you’ll sail through the challenges of tomorrow.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

5 Reminders to Get You through a Tough Week!

Stress

We’ve all had to face challenging weeks; high stress, never-ending tasks and a little drama along the way…here’s 5 reminders to help you get you through it all.

  1. Get Your Priorities In Order

Understand your priorities, take a look at the week ahead and plan your time accordingly. Ensure that time is managed well and remember not to neglect anything. You’ll feel pressured by a tough week even more if you cannot make time for the important things in your life.

Get your work and life balanced, as one will always affect the other. Avoid a tough week from becoming a stressful month, and don’t be left with a wasted year because you “never had the time.”

  1. Plan Something To Look Forward To

If you haven’t done so already, do it now. If there’s no fulfilling reward and the end of this journey then you’ll feel even worse and more beaten up. Always work and live towards something that feels rewarding; particularly something that makes you feel accomplished and proud. Make all that hard work payoff!

  1. Engage In Daily Activities That Makes You Smile

For the love of beer have fun! If your finding there’s less smiles and laughter this week, you’re heading in the wrong direction. Make an effort to do something that makes you feel good after a tough day. The world has enough stressed and irritated people in it, so don’t become another one. You can face anything so long as you dedicate sufficient time in your day to distress by engaging in activities that make you feel good!

 4. Remove Yourself From Negativity

If you’re hanging with people who complain a lot then remove yourself from this escalation of negative energy. Hang with positive people who remind you of your identity, who give you the boost you require to get through challenges. Connect to those who motivate and encourage you; people who give you that confidence boost to see anything through!

  1. Turn Your Game Face On

You’re a force to be reckoned with, there are many challenges you have faced and have overcome, remember them! Take control and shrink the size of any challenge by growing the size of your spirit. Trigger your motivation by reminding yourself of what you are capable of. Remember you can’t be intimidated by the size of a challenge if your mind is focused, clear and open!

Happy hump day and welcome to September!

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Cheers to That Little Voice Inside My Head

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Ever had that little voice inside your head whisper the truth about the things you really want, but have the perception of risk and expectation silence it? That voice that wants you to explore opportunities and encourage you to take action, is the voice that may just guide you to the life you really want. Perhaps it doesn’t make sense on paper nor to everyone around, but that little voice could very well be your potential talking.

I remember back when life never felt exciting, I would spend more times talking about the things I would change rather than changing them. I often found something to complain about and I’d let a lot of things irritate me.

I would literally have to schedule time to enjoy my life, for instance holidays and moments with friends and family. I remember thinking to myself, “happiness can’t be limited to small increments of time.” I felt like I was failing at life.

Initially I thought money was the answer so I worked harder and made more money. That didn’t work; I was still unfulfilled, I just had nicer things around me. I tried getting into a relationship, but I think companionship back then made it worse, because it placed me onto someone else’s idea of fulfillment because I hadn’t figured out my own. Each attempt at finding happiness and fulfillment through expectation and ideology, that little whisper  in my head became more frequent. The more I ignored it the more depressed I got, the more I listened to it the more fear I held on to.

That persistent nag kept insisting that there is something better for me to pursue, that there is something genuine out there for me to connect to. Small everyday frustrations would lead to huge outbursts of anger, quiet moments of contemplation would lead to distraction and procrastination. It became evident that I could no longer ignore that little voice inside my head, the one telling me the truth, because I was no longer feeling nor acting like myself. I was not happy with the life I had built.

When I first quit my “secure job” to move abroad everyone thought I was crazy and at some point even I thought I had lost my mind. I can’t even tell you how much I doubted myself when I had actually made the commitment to change my life. To make a better life for myself and face the truth I was battling was difficult, because overtime I learned to ignore it. When you get good at a indulging a certain behavior, undoing what you’ve learned is a vulnerable process. I’ve since learned to trust my own instincts and have become more confident as a result, because today I’m more open and honest about what I want.

Whatever risk, whatever doubt I had in my mind, listening to that little voice brought to light the stuff I was really unhappy with. Listening to what I really wanted from life has brought me more success and has made my life easy to live. Life feels full and I actually enjoy waking up in the morning, I’ve even been led to a career I’m passionate about, something I thought I’d never discover.

Every challenge I came across taught me more about myself than I have ever knew before, because I was forced to rely on truth. When I gave everything else up that’s all I had left. I built confidence and self-belief from the ground up I feel and I know why it’s a journey people must take alone. When you liken it to running a race, it’s the runner that has to jump over the hurdle, no one else.

I’m not suggesting that you need to make drastic choices, but allow yourself to be curious and discover possibilities. Don’t let your spirit give up just because you think there is no hope for something better. Try listening to that little whisper more often and you might be surprised by how much of your life your missing out on.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

Returning Home with a Clear Sight and a New Equilibrium

Fast Train

 

Having forced negativity out of my life, dealing with life has gotten a lot easier. Ever since I’ve realized my own mission and my goals towards that mission, the vision for where my life is headed has become much clearer.

I feel like I’ve recently entered a new equilibrium, a sense of calm and stability I wasn’t aware of until I returned to the UK, back to the root of my uncertainties.

I look around now with a fresh set of eyes and I finally see the motivational triggers that were once hidden.

Before it was always about the escape: to get away from problems, the hide away from doubters and avoid expectation. Now, with my mind clear and my focus on point and a belief in myself, I’m no longer concerned with anything or anyone that doesn’t matter.

Truth is, if you want to be on the fast train towards your dream, then there’s no room to stop off for anything that will jeopardize your journey.

It only takes one negative thought to spiral into a world of self-doubt; it was this reason I always avoided returning home, to the very place I grew up.

Today I return with my own identity, a clear understanding of who I am and what I want from life. I feel I have full control of where my life is headed and there’s no stopping me.

I know there’s things I have to face when I return home, unfortunate circumstances, struggles and challenges but with these new eyes, I’ll be able to see the positive side to everything.

I can confidently say I will succeed at all the things I choose to accomplish. The lessons I carried with me, the same lessons I share throughout this blog, have broken me free from a cocoon and able to return and look back at it self-actualized.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach

6 Rules You Can Follow, That Will Help You Believe In Yourself

Self Belief

One of the biggest hurdles to pursuing your passions is believing in yourself. Here’s some rules of mine to help you overcome that.

Rule#1  – Start your own path

For the longest time I put off pursing my passions to follow a path that others dominated. I saw other people take certain steps towards their aspirations and rather than developing the mind-set of starting my own journey, it seemed to make more sense to follow/mimic somebody else’s.

I was wrong. I needed to stick by my own passions if I truly wanted my own success. I didn’t want to follow the path of the family man, or the big shot corporate guy, nor the broke artistic guy nor did I want to fit into any stereotype. I didn’t want to be so easily defined so I took a vow to set out my own rules with my own identity and let that guide my success.

Rule#2 – Drop everyone’s expectations

Shed the expectations people have of you. Shed the burden of living up to someone else’s design of your life. I place emphasis on, more than anything, the importance of living life your own way. Here’s why: if you live life by living up to someone else’s expectations then you relinquish control to someone who can never understand what you truly want, because nobody can.

Be sure to expect the best for yourself and determine what would make you happy and take charge of your own life. Yeah sure by all means accept help and guidance when you need it, but know when you need it and when you don’t. You want to believe in yourself? Get to know yourself.

Rule#3 – Learn how to handle challenges

Challenges vary, but consider all things that you find difficult, all things that make you feel inadequate and all the negative impacts from life as your challenges to overcome, not burdens to live with. You need a positive way to work through them, faced with a tough task? Perhaps break it down into small easier tasks. Finding it difficult to handle negative comments? Then use that negative energy and drive it in your passions; there is nothing wrong with wanting to prove people wrong, so long it’s with your actions.

How you handle each and every challenge life throws at you will determine your ability to actually succeed. Trust me on this one, challenges are like tests, how you handle them determine whether you pass or fail.

Rule#4 – Overcome your problems – learn to fight

People always have two options when dealing with issues and problems. It’s the classic fight or flight, you face them and deal with them head on, or you avoid them and run away from them. If you choose the latter you will never feel like you believe in yourself, because each and every problem needs a solution. Fix them, you may not even want to, but you have to, failure to do so will only further prove you can’t handle what it is you want from life.

Rule#5 – Consistent activity – engage in your passions

There is something you want and you probably believe you won’t get it. Put that belief aside for now and just carry on. If you want to pursue something and you believe it won’t happen, just continue to engage in your passion regularly. The more knowledge you gain and the more you throw yourself into the world of your passions, that glimmer of hope you hold onto, will get brighter.

You will slowly tip the balance from self-doubt to self belief. You’ll notice that your haters will not be able to challenge you as much and that your disbelievers can’t deny you anymore because each time you engage, your closing that gap between yourself and your dream.

Remember –  LEARN, IMPACT, FULFILL and ENGAGE (L.I.F.E).

Rule#6 – Find supporters and surf the wave of encouragement…

…even if it’s your Nan, or your dentist or some random stranger in a coffee shop that struck up a conversation because of mutual interest- there are plenty of opportunities to find encouragement. When you do come across it, accept it, don’t deny it..it is totally OK to let others believe in you if you might not do so right now. Don’t disprove them.

The energy you receive is based on the energy you put out there, so if your focused on your passion and its evident, people will eventually notice and start believing in you, even if you might not right now. Follow this rule and watch your confidence grow and you will begin to believe in yourself the sooner you accept that others do.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coachhttp://www.vancitylifecoach.com/

3 Things To Remember When Doubters Cast Their Discouraging Shadow

shadowI often wonder why some people seem to be surprised when they hear about my aspirations and the pursuit of my goals.

Now I know I’m not exactly there yet, but I am on my way. I see my life shaping out exactly how I wanted it to, right before my eyes and I still find myself engaging with people that are still unconvinced.

So, forget them. Right? Wrong, understand them.

One thing I learned about pursuing my dream, is that I’m pursuing my dream. I would often get discouraged or offended when people would speak to me in that tone of voice, you know the one where what they’re saying isn’t what they’re thinking.

Well, what I understand now, is that people can only agree with you to a certain extent and this is with anything. Most people can, and only will agree with you to the extent of their understanding, which is why you will always be hit with so many different reactions.

People place the probability of your dream becoming a reality based on the facts that they have or haven’t acquired.  So long as you continue to learn and grow, develop your skills and talents, and are making the most out of every opportunity, you’ll get to where you want to be.

Remember, it’s a difficult task to get everyone on the same page as you, so don’t let what people assume affect your ambition and focus on making your dream a reality.

So long as you give it your all and don’t give up, you will succeed.

The 3 things you need to remember:

1. You’re pursuing your dream for yourself, whether others benefit or not. Your dream is catered to you and your passions, so some people may not understand it or will have a hard time believing it.

2. You determine your own level of success, so do not let others influence that. Your results are dependent on your efforts, but be prepared to fight off negative influences.

3. Doubters will always exist, because so many others give up. So many people try their hand at pursuing their lifelong ambitions but the moment they give up they pour energy into doubters.

Vancouver Relationship and Life Coach